


Head over Heels (dreamnap medieval au)

by watersfall



Category: Dream Team - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Maybe. - Freeform, did i update these tags when i was tired and in pain? yes, dream sucks at flirting, flirting? what's that?, i apologize for my shitshow of writing and tagging this, i only know suggestive wording that i choose to interpret in a platonic way, i will probably update the tags in the future, in which both of the boys are gay disasters who cant flirt for shit, perhaps a character death, what did you think was going to happen when you gave me the power to write?, you cannot stop me. i am all powerful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watersfall/pseuds/watersfall
Summary: In which your local prince realizes he doesn’t want a princess, but rather a prince that’ll sweep him off his feet.Prince Clay, or as the locals call him “Dream”, is approaching the age at which his parents want him to find a partner in marriage. He spends months cycling through his parent’s choices for him, denying each one, date after date. That is, until his eyes catch a visiting prince that comes for his twentieth birthday to celebrate his courtship.His parents, however, aren’t very supportive.~~~Clay sighed and fell back on his bed, the backpack from before bouncing next to him. “I know,” he mumbled, “it’s just… none of them seem interesting to me. It doesn’t matter if they’re pretty or smart, I just can’t bring myself to like any of them enough to marry them, you know?” He brought his hands to his face in frustration.Unfortunately, George didn’t pick up what he was mainly hinting at. He just sat next to the prince and patted his shoulder. “You’ll find your match eventually, Clay. Your birthday isn’t for another month, it’ll be fine.”Boy, did he wish he knew what hell Clay would get himself into within the next month.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), dreamnap - Relationship
Comments: 176
Kudos: 356





	1. Princely Issues

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! If you're reading this, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to actually read through my mediocre writing. 
> 
> Honestly I came up with this fic for fun, and I'd really like to hear feedback, so please give me some if you're willing!  
> Just to preface this: this fanfic is in no way shipping the real people, it's all in good fun and I promise you that I won't cross any boundaries that the ccs are uncomfortable with (and if they do, in the future, say they're uncomfortable with ANYTHING in this fic, I will take it down per their request).
> 
> That being said, if you do enjoy this fic, feel free to recommend it to your friends! I'd be happy to hear you enjoyed it that much.
> 
> Happy reading!

An average day in the kingdom of Talia passes by with sunny skies and busy streets. The air was warm and crisp, and the smell of baked goods radiated through the cozy plaza. The chatter of the crowd was comfortable, setting the scene of a rather comfortable town.

However, this peace was interrupted by a cloaked figure leaping from the roof of a shop, backpack slung over their shoulder as they ran from an apparent threat. It was almost a miracle that they’d kept their hood over their head as they bolted through the crowd and almost pushed over quite a few people.

“GET BACK HERE!” Shouted a guard, chasing after the apparent thief with an impractical wooden sword in hand. For what reason he held it, the people weren’t aware. The crowd parted so the guard could get through, a couple others following behind. 

The thief looked back and waved at the guards before disappearing into the crowd, as if he’d never been there at all. After a while of searching, the guards gave up and recuperated at the closest tavern.

Removing his helmet, the first guard groaned and collapsed into a booth. He wiped the sweat from his forehead as his fellow guards sat down. “This guy is really getting on my nerves,” He huffed and looked over a menu before him, “this is the fifth time this week that he’s stolen from the market. You’d think we’d catch him already.” 

A waiter came by and looked between the three exhausted guards. “Can I get you three anything?” They asked, holding a notepad in hand. They looked uncomfortable, as if they didn’t want to intrude on the conversation.

The older of the three raised a hand and smiled. “Could I just get a sweet tea?” He asked politely before turning to his coworker. “We’ll get him eventually, George. You have to stop worrying about him, you have bigger things to be stressed about.” He hummed and thanked the waiter for being patient.

“Yeah, don’t you have a prince to be watching?” The smaller guard responded quietly. “I’ll have an apple tart and water, thank you.” He nodded and took his helmet off, placing it next to him on the bench. “You can’t be chasing thieves all day.”

George groaned, knowing his friends were right. As much as he wanted to catch the scumbag who stole from the locals, he had more to worry about than petty thieves. After all, he was the prince’s personal guard. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” He sighed and waved to the waiter. “I’ll have whatever your best ale is. You pick for me.” As much as they were right, George couldn’t help but beat himself up for losing the guy day after day. 

The waiter walked away, and the eldest guard hit George over the head. Before he could retaliate, the stern look on his face made George speechless. “You shouldn’t be drinking on the job, George! What’s the queen going to think when you come back tipsy?” He scolded as the younger guard rubbed his head.

“It’s one drink, Bad,” George grumbled and looked at his other friend, “come on, Ant, defend me here!” He whined like a lost puppy. Ant shook his head and smiled, knowing George deserved the scolding.

After that, Bad proceeded to scold him until George called the waiter back and asked for a simple glass of water. Of course, he felt bad, as water was free in that establishment. So he paid the price of the ale either way. 

Lighthearted conversation followed after George profusely apologized to the superior guard. Laughter bubbled through the group as they joked with each other, making light of the shitty day that had occurred beforehand. Eventually, it got late, and the guards needed to attend to their duties. They said their goodbyes and parted ways.

George waved to locals as he passed by on his way back to the castle. After all, he’d avoided guarding the prince this long, he had to go back eventually. Though he took his time walking back, enjoying the quiet bustle of the late-evening market.

He navigated his way through the elaborate halls, admiring the portraits of past rulers and noble guards. As he passed the portrait of his father, he took a moment to pay his respects. It was a part of his daily trek to the prince’s room to check on him. 

After climbing several flights of stairs, George finally knocked on the familiar door. After a few seconds, the door swings open to reveal the prince of Talia. Although he was younger than George, he was much taller. 

“Oh, it’s just you.” His serious face shifted into a light smile. “Come in, come in.” The prince stepped aside, letting the guard in and closing the door behind them. He sat down on his bed, clean and looking as if it were just made. 

Before any other conversation could be made, George swatted the young prince over his head. “What were you _thinking_ , Clay?” He erupted, seeming very pissed. “You’re lucky you’re fast and I was on patrol today. Who knows what would’ve happened if fucking… _Techno_ or someone else was on instead of me.” His glare went straight through Clay’s soul. 

Rubbing the swelling pain on his head, Clay looked up at George with a weak smile. “I got bored! I’m tired of sitting around and waiting for my parents to find me a wife.” He shrugged, as if that was a reasonable excuse. “Besides, it’s not _technically_ stealing. The locals let me take stuff, since, you know... I’m a prince.” His charming smile, however, did not make any difference to George. 

“Clay, you’re nineteen, almost twenty.” George spoke after taking a deep breath. Although his appearance seemed calmer, he definitely was seething under his skin. “You have responsibilities. I’m sorry you’re not interested in this whole courting thing, but you can’t avoid it forever.”

Clay sighed and fell back on his bed, the backpack from before bouncing next to him. “I know,” he mumbled, “it’s just… none of them seem interesting to me. It doesn’t matter if they’re pretty or smart, I just can’t bring myself to like any of them enough to _marry_ them, you know?” He brought his hands to his face in frustration. 

Unfortunately, George didn’t pick up what he was mainly hinting at. He just sat next to the prince and patted his shoulder. “You’ll find your match eventually, Clay. Your birthday isn’t for another month, it’ll be fine.” 

Boy, did he wish he knew what hell Clay would get himself into within the next month.

~~~~

Another day, another few hours wasted on going through candidates to be his possible wife. Clay never enjoyed interviewing the ladies, especially since he knew very well he wouldn’t be interested in a single one. He hated leading each one on with false hope that maybe, just maybe, he’d say yes out of pity.

You see, Clay had rarely ever been interested in women. Sure, he’d secretly dated a couple girls back when he was younger, but none of them had really struck a chord in him. He felt bad for those few girls. If only they knew he just wasn’t interested in women.

After spacing out for at least an hour, Clay was snapped out of his daze mid-interview when a guard opened the door of the conference room. It was one of the guards that had chased him the other day; Daryl, he remembered. 

“Your highness,” The guard bowed slightly, “the Queen requests your presence immediately. You’re dismissed from interviews for the day.” He announced, his voice soft but firm.

 _Thank god_ , he thought, giving the girl before him a sympathetic glance before leaving the room. He didn’t know how much more he could take. Clay had interviewed at least one hundred ladies, none of which suited his tastes. _Of course they didn’t_.

Upon walking into the throne room, Clay called out. “Mother?” He looked around wearily, wondering where she could be. He just barely turned around a corner before overhearing said woman speaking with someone else.

“He hasn’t found a single one he’s interested in,” The queen mumbled worriedly, “I’m starting to think he just doesn’t want to get married at all. It’s very worrying.” She spoke in a hushed tone, as if not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation.

A stranger’s voice responded. “I’m sure he’ll find the right lady eventually, your majesty. Just give him time to choose.” A reassuring tone slipped past his ears, and he assumed it was a guard. However, he didn’t recognize the voice, so perhaps they were new?

“Heyyy, I heard gossip. What’s goin’ on here, Karl?” A mischievous voice appeared suddenly. The supposed guard yelped, and Clay heard a whack and a groan of pain.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, your highness!” The guard frantically sputtered, the embarrassment reached Clay from around the corner. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to punch you, you just scared me.” The guard sounded genuinely worried for whoever the hell he’d punched.

A moment of silence followed his words before the other male responded. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Man, I should really get used to your punches. This is, like, the third time you’ve done this to me!” 

A bubbly laugh reached Clay’s ears, and let’s just say he _melted_. Whoever this stranger was had made his day with just a simple giggle. Who cares about the long line of women waiting for him? All he needed was that laugh to keep him sane. 

“Clay?” A familiar voice snapped him out of his little daydream. It was just George, of course, but the idiot gave away his hiding spot. “What’re you doing? You look red, are you alright?” Although he was concerned, this was not helping the poor prince’s case. 

“Shut up!” He hissed, but it was too late. His mother poked her head around the corner, witnessing her son basically harassing his personal guard. “Um…” Clay’s hands dropped to his sides. “Hello, mother. Sorry I’m… uh… late?”

The other two strangers walked over to see the commotion, which only made Clay more embarrassed. _Well, I’m fucked. Might as well go hide under my blankets forever_. The shame of being caught basically choking your personal guard plagued Clay from head to toe.

Luckily for the embarrassed prince, his mother didn’t mention it at all. She only turned to the two standing behind her with a confident smile. “Sir Karl, this is my son, Clay. As you know, he turns twenty next month. It’s an honor to have you here to celebrate with us.” She gave the guard a small nod as he waved to the tall prince. 

The guard seemed nice, but Clay’s eyes were on the other boy next to him. He wasn’t much shorter than Clay, but definitely taller than George. _Hell, it’s not_ that _hard to be taller than George_. His dark hair was a mess of untamed waves, seeming to have been windblown. Much to his surprise, the shorter boy wore a rather formal outfit. It didn’t take him long to realize why.

“Your Majesty,” Karl bowed respectfully, “this is Prince Nicholas-” 

“Nick.” The blue-eyed boy interrupted.

“Apologies,” The guard chuckled nervously, “Prince _Nick_ of Alonem, as you may know. I’ve escorted him here to spend time with Prince Clay before the ceremony a month from now, on behalf of the king and queen, to perhaps form an alliance between us.”

The Queen gave a simple nod, giving Clay a small glance before responding politely. “Of course. If all goes well, I’m sure we’ll be more than happy to become allies.” What did that glance mean? Maybe Clay was overthinking, but he assumed it was his mother trying to set him up with more women from another kingdom. “Well, I should be heading off for now! Lots of prepping to do. Have fun, and behave!” The queen smiled and waved as she walked off, the tail of her dress flowing behind her.

An awkward silence followed as the Queen left the room. She seemed to be very social, while none of the men in the room were. Clay attempted to speak up to fill the odd air with _something_. “So,” He cleared his throat, “Alonem, huh? Isn’t that, like, a three day trip from here?”

The other prince chuckled and crossed his arms. “Well, yeah, but I like the horses, so I don’t mind the trip.” He smiled brightly, making Clay’s heart melt all over again. “Before you judge me for taking a horse before riding in a _dumb_ carriage, it’s so much more exciting to ride than sit and do nothing for three days.” Nick huffed, already knowing what Clay was going to ask before he even said it.

“Okay, you got me there.” He laughed lightly, watching George and the other guard, Karl, engage in their own conversation. “You must really like animals, then.”

“Who _doesn’t_ like animals, man?” Nick retorted, a lighthearted tone in his voice. “Anyone who doesn’t is dead to me, end of story.” He then turned to Clay and narrowed his eyes, getting up close and looking him up and down. “You _do_ like animals, don’t you?” The shorter prince jokingly threatened. 

With a nervous laugh, Clay stepped back a bit. Despite him being taller, Nick was surprisingly threatening. “I do, I do! I’m more of a cat guy myself.” He admitted and shifted his weight between his feet. “I used to have a cat when I was younger, but things got busier as I got older, and, well...” He sighed, not having to continue the sentence for Nick to understand.

With a nod, Nick patted his shoulder in reassurance. “Yeah, I understand, dude. It’s hard to have pets when you’re royalty.” Something in his laugh sounded bitter, but Clay couldn’t blame him. There were sacrifices that came with being a prince, and a normal childhood was one of them. “But hey,” Nick chirped, “at least cute animals like pandas exist. They make not having pets worth it.”

“Oh?” Clay tilted his head to the side. “You must’ve seen a panda before, then, to know they’re that cute.” He challenged the prince before him. God, he wished he didn’t challenge Nick at all.

The shorter prince proceeded to rant about pandas and their cute attributes and facts for the next hour. Clay had brought it upon himself; it was his fault that he said anything. But as much hell as he gave himself for bringing it up, he couldn’t help but think how cute it was that he was that passionate about pandas.

~~~~

The time for dinner rolled around, and Nick and Clay managed to keep steady conversation the whole time. It was like they’d known each other for years, bouncing off each other’s jokes and managing to keep things light. Clay felt abnormally comfortable around this prince, and they’d only known each other for a day.

At some point they had to go quiet to eat their food, which the Queen took the opportunity to speak. “I’m glad you boys are getting along,” She hummed and poked at her food, “but Clay, honey, you must remember that you have work to do tomorrow.”

The lighthearted feeling in his shoulders shifted into tension. Of course he had more women to sift through. He didn’t want to waste the poor girls’ time, but he didn’t have much of a choice. “Yes, mother.” He sighed, the food on his plate no longer looking appetizing. “May I be excused? I need to get up early to… get a head start.” Clay gave his mother a convincing smile, and she nodded. 

“Of course, sweetheart. Rest well!” She smiled back and watched her son leave the dining room to her, Nick, and the few guards. With a sigh, she turned to Nick. “I apologize for his… coy behavior.” The Queen huffed. “He’s never been one for conflict. It probably explains why he hasn’t chosen a wife yet.”

Nick only smiled and shook his head. “It’s okay, your majesty. Just give him time, he’s probably just under a lot of pressure.” It was nice to hear someone he barely knew defend him. So, instead of continuing to listen in, Clay walked off to do something more productive with the time he bought himself.

The tall prince had always enjoyed learning new things. By the time he was fourteen, he’d read every book that their personal library had to offer. His mother had to go out of her way to buy books he’d never read, or personally requested. 

Eventually, the castle’s library became a place of comfort. It was somewhere he could go to give himself time to think. He found himself coming back more often as he got older and had more things to stress over. Of course, his birthday coming up was no exception. He was expected to find a wife in one month. 

Clay had never been interested in marriage. It was never something that crossed his mind until his mother came to him and explained that, by his twentieth birthday, he had to find a wife in order to ensure the fact that he had an heir to the throne. 

As much as he hated it, his mother was right in a way. He did need an heir, but he couldn’t care less. It was selfish of him, Clay knew that, but then again, it was also selfish of his mother to force him into a marriage he would never reciprocate.

Deep down, Clay knew his mother would never be happy to hear about his situation. She cared about him, yes, but she cared more about the state of the kingdom than she did her own family. The same could be said about his father.

“Doing some thinking?” George’s voice called from the entrance of the library. Clay looked down from the bookshelf he’d climbed onto and nodded gently, obviously pretty tired. “You should come down. It’s been a couple hours since you left dinner.”

Had he really spent that long thinking? _Eh, whatever. Time well spent, in my book_. The prince climbed down from the bookshelf and sighed. “Hey George, can I ask you a question?” Clay spoke quietly, sounding unsure.

“Yeah, what’s up?” The guard tilted his head, curious as to what the young Prince would ask him.

With a shaky breath, Clay ran a hand through his hair. “Do you think my mother would let me get away with not getting married?”


	2. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay is known for overthinking. Whether he's aware of it or not, Nick manages to distract him for a while, but despite his best efforts, maybe a distraction isn't what Clay needs.

“What are some things you’ll offer to the royal family?” The words fell from Clay’s mouth for what felt like was the hundredth time that day. He absolutely hated this, as he’d expressed before, but this question was always the worst. The prince always got the same answers, and this girl was no different from the rest. 

She gave a polite smile, cheeks dappled with rosy makeup and fake freckles. “I’ll help out as much as I can with any duties. You do need a helpful wife, after all.” Her response made Clay want to vomit. He was sure even this girl didn’t want to say it.

“You’re not an item,” Clay mumbled, “so give me a _real_ answer.”

The young lady seemed taken aback. It was almost as if she hadn’t been at the brunt of such brutal honesty before. “Oh,” She took a moment to think, “well, I am somewhat of a musician. I could play some for you whenever you’d like, your highness.” The poor girl dipped her head in embarrassment.

As interesting as a musician was, he’d turned down plenty of them already. This girl would have to be very special for Clay to choose her over the hundreds he’d already passed up. “Interesting.” He replied with mock fascination in his voice. Having written nothing down, Clay set his pen down and looked the lady before him in the eye. “That’s all for now. Have a nice day.”

The girl nodded and went on her way, her pale pink dress flowing behind her as she left the room. Clay turned to the guard beside him, a hopeful look in his eye. “Can we be done for the day? This is exhausting.” He yawned and leaned back in the chair.

Ant, the guard on duty, hesitated a moment before nodding. “Of course, your highness. I believe that’s plenty for today.” He responded and watched the prince stand up. He took a deep breath before asking a rather risky question. “Did you see any you liked, Prince Clay?”

Silence followed the question as Clay stretched. “Not particularly.” He hummed, managing to crack his back a bit. “What about you? I hate to sit here looking for a partner when you could be looking for one as well.” The prince finally turned to the guard, who looked rather nervous.

He gave a light chuckle and shook his head. “I already have someone back home.” Ant smiled, silently looking forward to when he got off his shift for the day. “Besides, I’m not interested in women.”

Clay didn’t know why he was surprised. The realization struck him like he had been knocked down during a fight. “Wait, really?” He responded softly. “So that kind of thing is…” He hesitated, “normal?” The prince sounded unsure of his wording.

Ant tilted his head to the side, wondering what the prince before him was thinking of. “Of course it’s normal, your highness. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.” He hummed and raised a hand to pat Clay’s shoulder. “You can talk to me if you need help figuring anything out, Prince Clay.” Ant gave him a small smile. “I’m especially good at keeping secrets.”

A lighthearted laugh erupted from Clay’s throat. He wasn’t entirely sure if he would take the guard up on that offer, but it was definitely up in the air. He politely nodded and left the conference room with a bit more confidence than before. Ant was probably the first to tell him that, just maybe, the way he felt was valid.

It was sad, honestly. Almost no one he knew understood that he wasn’t entirely _straight_. It’s not like he could tell anyone, either. He didn’t know who was supportive and who wasn’t. Clay would rather suffer in silence than start any sort of confliction based on his disinterest. 

Speaking of the devil, the root of his questioning skipped around the corner and waved to Clay. A large smile was plastered on his face and he bounded up to the fellow prince. “Clay!” A little giggle followed his excited voice. “Dude, I gotta show you something. It’s, like, the greatest thing ever.”

“What?” Clay was confused as the shorter prince dragged him by his arm. “Wait- Nick, I’m not allowed out of the castle without permission.” He attempted to say, only to get a scoff in response.

“Have you never broken a rule before?” Nick joked, continuing to drag the giant behind him. “Come on, it’ll only be for a little while! I promise!” 

Clay laughed and stopped in place, causing Nick to stumble slightly. “I’m not a pushover, Nick. Of course I’ve broken rules.” He took his turn dragging a prince with him, in the opposite direction of which they were heading. “I said I wasn’t allowed out _without permission_.” 

~~~~

The two princes walked amongst the evening crowd with ease, Nick in the lead. Light conversation flowed between them, laughter bubbling up every now and then. It was nice to get away like this. 

“Damn, where’d you get these cloaks from?” Nick asked, rubbing it up and down to feel how soft it was. “It’s comfortable as hell. I could use one of these back home!” He looked over at Clay with a large smile.

He was glad he had his mask to cover his face. Who knows how much of an idiot Clay looked like at that moment. “One of the locals gave them to me after I almost got caught by some guards.” He admitted with a light laugh. “Their store is just up here, actually. Ever since then, the locals refer to me as a thief so that the guards don’t catch onto me sneaking out.”

Nick nodded and looked around at the crowd. He could almost see the gears turning in his head. “That’s nice of them,” he hummed, “I’m assuming that’s what the mask is for, too? Where’d you get that?” The question didn’t mean any harm, he knew that, but it hurt anyway.

“Well, uh…” Clay stuttered, not realizing he’d slowed to a stop, “my sister. She made it for me, when we were kids.” He thought he’d be over it by now, but time still hadn’t healed it for him.

Confused, Nick turned around to look at Clay. “Sister? I didn’t know you had a sister.” The poor prince didn’t know what he was getting into. Clay couldn’t blame him. “Have I just not met her yet? That’s weird, I’ve been here for a few days…”

Clay shrugged and continued to walk. “I’m sure you’ll find her eventually.” He silently hoped Nick would drop it; he could tell that he wanted to push, but stayed quiet. Clay was thankful for the silence that followed, albeit awkward. 

Eventually, they arrived at the place Nick had mentioned earlier. It was just outside the marketplace by a couple yards. It was an open meadow that led to the outskirts of the kingdom, the wall just in the distance. The bustle of the marketplace was gone, replaced by the gentle breeze that blew through the wildflowers and grass. It was nice, to say the least. 

Nick sat down, facing the plaza. A reassuring smile sat on his lips. “I figured you needed a break,” he said as he motioned for Clay to sit with him, “you know, with the marriage hunting and all.”

He sat down and laughed, legs crossed, and he stared at the crowds that passed by. “Thanks, Nick.” Clay spoke softly, removing the mask from his face. “You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with this for a while. This shit sucks.” He fell on his back and gazed at the clouds. 

“Eh, my parents have had me meet a couple people.” Nick shrugged, sounding a lot more relaxed about the situation. “They’re not as obsessed with it as your parents are, though. Do you even get to pick the candidates?” The fellow prince asked and laid down beside Clay.

Clay whipped his head to look at the boy beside him. “You parents let you _pick_?” He asked, shocked into a few seconds of silence. “If my mom let me choose the people I was interested in, I wouldn’t be struggling this much.” The blonde prince huffed. Woe was the prince who couldn’t decide on his partner for supposed life. 

With a small laugh, Nick elbowed Clay in amusement. “Get this, my parents weren’t even mad when I came back with another boy. I think I’ve got you beat there, too.” His smile was just as bright as his words sounded.

“I can’t imagine my mother’s reaction if I told her I wanted to have male candidates too.” Clay chuckled dryly in response. It was too little too late before he realized the words slipped out of his mouth. “I- uh, not that I do? I said that to sort of try to relate, haha…” _Nice save, Clay_.

A moment of silence followed his words before Nick calmly replied. “Yeah, I get you. Not everyone experiences the same things, it’s chill.” The blue-eyed prince calmly shrugged. Clay had never felt so relieved. “It sucks that she won’t let you choose your own candidates though. Kinda shitty, if you ask me.”

“Yeah,” The conversation he’d had with George a few days ago rang in his mind, “pretty shitty.”

~~~~

George had been stunned into silence from Clay’s question. As the seconds passed, the young prince only grew more anxious. “Clay, with all due respect,” the guard took a deep breath, “I believe your mother would have an aneurysm if you told her that. You know how she is about having an heir.” 

Clay released a disappointed sigh. He knew the answer, he just hoped it would’ve been different. “I know.” He huffed. “I _know_. Ever since Casey, she…” He trailed off, rubbing his temples to edge off an oncoming headache. Without saying a word, George knew what the troubled prince meant.

“You have to be careful with her, Clay. She hasn’t been the same since then.” He stepped closer and gave Clay’s shoulder a reassuring pat. “I know you haven’t, either.” Despite his soft tone, the words stabbed Clay like a knife in his back.

He attempted to ease his shaky breaths, but to no avail. “I’m just tired of cycling through women as if they don’t mean anything. They have feelings too, you know? Every time I have to tell one no and break their heart, I feel worse.” Clay ranted, not even realizing that he was pacing. “At this point I’m going to run out of girls to reject. And then my mother will find out, and my father-”

George interrupted, a confused look on his face. “They’ll find out what, Clay?” He sounded just as stupid as his face looked. Clay thought he’d been obvious up to this point, but apparently not obvious enough. 

“I don’t like _girls_ , George.” Clay finally admitted. “I never have. That’s why I haven’t chosen a wife, or even one candidate. And everyone thinks I’m just being picky, but I’m not! I just can’t bring myself to lead a girl on, knowing I’ll never love her.”

The prince couldn’t bring himself to meet eyes with the guard before him. He felt ashamed to have finally admitted it. He assumed he would’ve felt better after he spoke his mind, but the pit in his stomach just got worse. Instead, he just kept his eyes on the floor as he awaited a response. 

Finally, George managed to speak his mind. It felt like hours that he’d just stood there, thinking to himself. “I think you’re a good person, Clay. For not wanting to make those girls suffer, I mean.” He spoke slowly, as if he was still trying to find the right words. “And I support you, Clay, I really do. I just don’t think your mother would be accepting, much less your father.” The words rang like a bell in Clay’s head. He knew that answer was coming. He just didn’t want to think about it.

He let go of the breath he didn’t realize he held. “I know.” Clay sighed and stopped where he stood. After taking another moment to think, he walked to the door of the library. “Thanks for talking to me, George. I appreciate it.” He gave a fake smile and went back to his room. 

~~~~

Clay closed the door behind himself, the memory of the conversation fading as it ended. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t think about it every time he attempted to sleep. The answers his personal guard gave him plagued his thoughts ever since they were said out loud. He couldn’t help but think he was selfish for being who he was.

And yet, he still felt like he had the right to feel however he wanted. It was a catch that Clay himself didn’t understand, despite the amount of time he’d spent thinking about it. He knew his mother would never agree with him, and his father a completely different story. If anything, Clay just wished he could’ve gotten a taste of Nick’s world. It seemed to be much better over there.

“You’ve got a nice room.” Nick’s voice snapped Clay out of his thoughts. The blue-eyed prince looked around, noticing the many green tinted things littered around. “I’m assuming your favorite color is green?” He laughed, poking at the laundry basket that held clothing of different shades of green, grey, and brown. 

Clay huffed and lightly shoved Nick out of the way. “Shut up,” He struggled to keep a smile off his face, “it’s not my fault the servants found out my favorite color and bought in bulk.” 

Nick laughed again, this time harder than before. “Dude, you’re wearing green right now! Oh my god, you’re so full of yourself. Even your eyes are green!” He doubled over and fell back on Clay’s bed, cackling to himself over the other prince’s obsession of the color.

“Oh my- shut _up_ , Nick.” Clay couldn’t hold back his grin anymore. The laughter was infectious, and soon travelled to the green-clad prince. “God, you didn’t have to point it out!” He erupted with laughter. The two of them sat there, laughing, for what felt like hours. 

It was a nice distraction from the stress. Everytime Clay found himself overthinking, Nick swooped in and found a way to make him laugh. Even if it was unintentional, he managed to do it. Clay was grateful for it, definitely. He wondered if Nick realized how much he’d saved the taller boy from his thoughts.

Once their laughs calmed down, they sat for a bit in comfortable silence. No thinking, no stressing, just quiet comfort. It was moments like these that Clay found solace in. They reminded him of when he was younger, laying in the garden with his sister as they sniffed the flowers like they were told not to do. _It disturbs them from their sleep_ , their mother told them, _let them have their rest_. 

His sister always managed to sneak little sniffs either way. Her favorites had been the hyacinths, hidden in the back of the garden to keep her little nose out of them. Clay would wake her up in the middle of the night to go and wander the garden and speak their minds about anything. 

Those memories brought sadness more than they did nostalgia. He didn’t know why it reminded him of them; maybe they had the same energy? He couldn’t quite place it. 

Once again, Nick interrupted his thoughts like the savior he was. “Hey Clay,” He hummed and sat up, “you wanna sneak down to the dining hall and steal some snacks before dinner?” The mischievous tone in his voice sold Clay on the idea.

“Yeah, that sounds fun.” He smiled softly, the memories still at the front of his brain. “Let’s go.” Clay stood up and dragged his friend from the bed, and they made their way out of the room sneakily.

Despite the distraction, though, Clay couldn’t keep himself from thinking about it. It haunted him more than the conversation from the other day. More than the shit he blamed himself for. More than the guilt he had when he stole from the chefs.

More than the glare they got from his mother when she scolded them.


	3. Time Flies By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick learns something new about Clay, and decides it's time for an intervention.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: just a reminder that I DO NOT actually ship these people irl, this is just a fanfic for fun! I'm not at all trying to force anything onto the real people (such as labels or a sexuality), it was just a fun concept I had. Please remember this while reading, thank you!

Time didn’t feel real anymore. A week had passed since he caused trouble with Nick and was locked in his room for the rest of the night. They’d passed notes under the door like they were spies who needed to give the other secret information. Well, it was more goofing off, but it cheered Clay up nonetheless.

However, that night being mostly alone only fueled the fire of his thoughts. They ate at the silence like a caterpillar feasting on a leaf during a famine. It was a dangerous flame, licking at the pinpricks of insecurity and guilt that he’d carried with himself for years. Clay wanted so badly to tell Nick to go away and leave him be, that the distraction was only making things worse, but he didn’t want to push away the only person that was there. 

He remembered not sleeping that night, or the few nights after. The guards seemed to have noticed this and gave him a break from cycling through candidates for a while. Clay was grateful, but he knew he had duties to attend to, no matter how sleep deprived he was. 

Just like every day before, Nick swooped in with a shit-eating grin to come and distract him again. It was like clockwork at that point. Clay would finish with his duties for the day, go for a small walk around the castle, and the enthusiastic prince would find him and drag him out to the meadow just beyond the market. He didn’t know how many more distractions it would take before he snapped. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Nick’s company- not at all, it was quite the opposite. 

“So what’d you do today?” Nick asked casually, a few flowers in his hand as he picked at the grass around him. The question was light, just to start a small conversation. In Clay’s head, it was like a bomb, ticking as Nick awaited an answer.

He couldn’t be truthful, he assumed, because then he’d have to explain himself. As much as he grew to trust Nick over the past week and a half, Clay didn’t want his thoughts plaguing him, too. _Tick, tick, tick_. His brain mimicked a timer as he rushed to think of an answer. “I had a meeting,” He blurted out, “with, um, the guards. About my birthday. And the ball.” Clay didn’t want to continue the lie. He begged for Nick to drop it.

Looking up, Nick seemed interested. Clay’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Really? What did you talk about?” He asked, a light smile on his face. The shorter prince realized he was taking a bit to answer. “I’m sure you’ve got a lot of juicy ideas up in that big head of yours. Come on, you can trust me!”

 _You can trust me_. 

“We didn’t talk about much.” Clay managed to force the words out. The lies felt like poison burning his throat. “Just about decorations and food. All that stuff.” His mouth moved without him thinking at that point, spitting out lies like a spider wove a web. Intricate and designed as a trap, but Clay knew that trap wasn’t for Nick. Eventually his web of lies would get himself in trouble, but he didn’t care. As long as the other prince didn’t pry, he’d be okay.

He managed to create a bullshit conversation that kept Nick at bay for the rest of the evening. How he was able to pull it off, Clay didn’t know. He just hoped it would keep him from digging a little too deep.

But as we know, hoping doesn’t always work out in the end.

~~~~

Navigating his way through the halls, the young prince looked for a familiar face. He needed answers, and he was determined to get them, whether it was from the source or not. Nick was a curious person- some called him nosy- but this time his curiosity was rooted in concern. Ever since he brought Clay out to the meadow, the other prince had been acting odd. 

He didn’t think it was something he did, but there was a possibility it was. Nick just wanted to make sure his friend was okay! And maybe digging into his personal life wasn’t the best option, but if Clay wasn’t willing to talk, he had to help him somehow. 

Nick felt guilty for prying into personal matters. Hell, he’d only gotten to know the prince for two weeks. Even so, he felt he had the obligation to help him as best he could. If he had to ask the stupid boy’s personal guard for help, then that’s what he’d do.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear; the guard rounded the corner with one of his coworkers. They were talking quietly about a subject Nick was sure he wasn’t supposed to be hearing, so he decided to interrupt them before his curiosity got the best of him. “Hey!” He called, jogging up to the two. “You’re George, right? Clay’s personal guard?”

Stopped in the middle of the conversation, George looked up at the younger prince. There was something powerful about being taller than a 24 year old guard. “Um, yes. Give me a moment, your highness.” He motioned to the prince and turned to the guard next to him, who was taller than both of them. “Just choose whoever you think is fit for the training course, Techno. I’m confident in your ability to choose the best of the best.” In return, he just got a wave from the pink haired guard as he retreated back the way they came. “Alright, what is it, Prince Nick? I’m a little short on time here.” George huffed, looking agitated by the interruption.

“Yeah, yeah, my apologies.” Nick sped through, wanting to get to the point as fast as possible. “Anyways, I was wondering something about Clay. Do you mind answering a few questions for me? I promise I’ll be quick!” He smiled innocently, hoping that George would take him up on the sudden interview.

Confused, George shrugged and sighed. “Sure, I don’t see why not.” He began to walk and motioned for Nick to follow. “Go on, ask me your questions. I don’t have all day.”

Nick followed quickly, trying his best to keep up with the guard’s pace. He wasn’t used to walking that fast. “Okay, uh, first off, have you ever had trouble getting Clay to open up to you?” He asked, the startled expression on George’s face clear out of the corner of his eye. He hoped he didn’t ask the wrong thing.

The guard cleared his throat. “Well, when I first became his personal guard, yes.” He replied quietly, as if he didn’t want anyone to overhear the conversation. “He was very reserved back then. Well, he is now, too, but I think that was… ah, nevermind, it’s not my place to say.” George waved off the last part of his sentence. That only left Nick with more questions. 

“Okay,” He hummed, “well, he mentioned to me that he has a sister. Where is she?” George stopped in his tracks, wide eyes staring at Nick. He was confused at first, wondering why they stopped, and why George gave him that odd look. “What? What’s the look for?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“He mentioned Casey to you?” George finally spoke up, voice soft and filled with concern. Guilt filled Nick as his mind raced for a response, only to find no words. “What did he tell you?”

Nick regained his composure and nodded, thinking back to what Clay told him. “Well, he said she made him a mask when they were kids.” He brought it up before realizing his mistake. “He, uh, he showed it to me when we hung out the other night. In his room.” The prince attempted to save himself, but failed miserably.

With a sigh, George continued to walk. “I know about his ‘Dream’ persona, Nick. No need to worry.” He waved it off as they turned a corner. “The thing is, Clay hasn’t mentioned Casey to anyone aside from myself since I became his personal guard. He won’t even talk to his mother about her.” The blue-eyed prince was confused, but he listened carefully. “It’s a huge sign of trust. He probably won’t say anything for a while, but just mentioning that fact is a feat as is.” George turned to Nick, a worried look on his face. 

“You… still didn’t answer my question,” Nick brought up, a pit growing in his stomach, “where is she? Casey, I mean.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, the realization hit him. The look on George’s face pounded the fact into his head. “Oh.”

George sadly nodded as he opened a pair of doors that lead out to an abandoned garden. Somehow, flowers of all kinds still grew, albeit not as well as they would’ve. It looked dull and dark, especially at dusk. Nick avoided stepping on any plantlife as George led him to the back. 

In between two bushes, clad with dull purple and white flowers, was a large round stone. It was smooth, although covered with moss at the top. It looked just as untouched as the rest of the garden. He assumed it’d been there for years at that point.

He felt guiltier the longer he stared at the stone. The name reflected back at him didn’t bring him any solace. It just made him feel an ounce of the pain he assumed Clay was going through. “How did it happen?” Nick asked, despite not really wanting to know the answer.

The older guard gave Nick a light pat on the shoulder. He had a melancholy smile on his face. "I think that's a question better suited for Clay. When he's ready, of course." George spoke softly, then turned around and headed back to the doors. The blue-eyed prince soon followed him, catching up quickly. 

Things were quiet between them for a bit. He felt as if he'd made things awkward, having asked about Clay's sister. What's done was done, though. He couldn't take it back even if he wanted to.

Finally, George spoke up again. "You have to be careful with Clay," he stated, "he's not a big fan of conflict. It's something he's always avoided. But don't distract him too much, either." His advice was actually more useful than Nick gave him credit for. "The occasional distraction is okay, but Clay's the type of person who needs to talk things out when he's upset." 

"What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What do I do?" Nick asked, an exasperated sigh leaving his lungs. He just wanted to do his best to help, but Clay wasn't making it easy.

George gave the young prince a small smile. "Then just be there for him until he's ready. Tell him you won't leave until he gets everything off his chest. He'll be uncomfortable at first, but just lend him your ear and everything will be okay." His words carried more wisdom than anyone probably expected them to. However, his eyes travelled to a clock up on the wall. "Ah, shit, I've got to get going." George huffed, about to rush off. 

In a light panic, Nick grabbed George's wrist. "Wait!" He shouted, gathering his thoughts before asking one last question. "Are you sure everything will be fine?" He was worried beyond relief; he just wanted his friend to be okay.

"I'm not," George responded quietly, "but I'm confident in his trust in you." With that, George slipped away to do his final duties for the night, and Nick was left alone with all the information he gathered. 

_God_ , he thought to himself, _this is way harder than I initially thought it would be_. Nick turned around and wandered aimlessly for quite a while. Every now and then he'd pass the occasional guard, who would wave to him kindly. He'd wave back with a nervous smile, hoping none of them caught on to his troubled appearance. 

Clay was going to get his help whether he wanted it or not. He didn't want to push his boundaries, of course, but if Clay didn't talk to anyone, then he probably suffered on his own. And what friend would Nick be if he just let Clay suffer like that?

Not a good one, at the very least. Nick prided himself on his abilities of being a good friend, and he wasn't about to stop at Clay. He didn't care if they'd been friends for two weeks or a lifetime, he'd always be there to back up his friends. No matter what. 

~~~~

The big day was just a week away, leaving preparations for the large party to be done and ready for the day of. Clay had never felt more stressed and pressured in his life. The longer he went without picking a candidate, the heavier the burden on his shoulders became. He knew that he’d eventually have to speak with his mother, but it was definitely something he avoided for now. 

Soon enough, the conversation he’d lied to Nick about became a reality. Clay pitched in with ideas for food, offering something for anybody with differing preferences (or allergies). As hard as he knew it would be on the chefs, he just wanted everyone who attended to feel accounted for. He didn’t care what food there was, as long as other people enjoyed themselves. 

“Your highness,” one of the guards, Techno, spoke up, “I’m gonna need your approval to have guards posted around the ballroom. Not that there’s any threat, but it’s better safe than sorry.” His words were serious and full of conviction. Clay couldn’t say no to that.

With a nod, Clay looked over his carefully planned blueprints. The guy must’ve slaved day and night over these papers. “It’s a good plan. Go ahead and go through with it, I don’t see anything wrong with protecting the people.” He accepted, the corner of his lips turned up a bit. At least he knew that the party-goers would be safe with both food and protection.

The guard picked up his papers and made his way back to his seat before his head perked up once more. “Oh, by the way, my family wanted to come down to support you on your big day.” Techno hummed, his voice less monotone than usual. 

“The ones from-?”

“Yeah,” He interrupted, “just pretend they aren’t here if you see ‘em. It’s best for me and you.” 

Clay laughed lightly and nodded. He’d met Techno’s family once before, so he understood where he was coming from. “Alright, got it. I’ll make sure to signal you if I see them there.” He joked, taking his seat at the end of the table as the rest of the room erupted in lighthearted laughter. 

The meeting continued for about another half hour before they all agreed that they had everything pretty much covered. Clay was just glad no one had asked him about his supposed wife. He wasn’t prepared to shoot back a bullshit excuse yet. At that point, he expected his mom to choose someone for him, but he knew she just wanted him to be happy. Sort of.

Speaking of people that wanted him to be happy, Clay wasn’t expecting to see Nick seated outside his bedroom door when he arrived. The younger prince looked up and gave him a small smile- smaller than usual. Anxiety rose in his chest, feeling something off, but not knowing what it was.

Nick stood up, a serious look on his face as he approached Clay. “Hey,” he spoke awkwardly, “I… wanted to talk to you about some stuff. And, uh, it’s okay if you’re not willing to open up or anything- I just figured I could lend an ear to a guy in need.” The whole sentence was a trainwreck. Fortunately, Clay was able to understand his mess of awkward stutters.

The two princes stepped into the green room and sat apart from each other on the bed. They were quiet for what felt like an hour, staring anywhere but at each other. Clay knew that Nick found out something. It had to have been something big if he wanted to talk all of the sudden. 

That question was answered when Nick spoke first once more. “Are you okay?” He asked simply. It was a basic question that Clay thought he knew the answer to, but when it came to actually thinking about it, the answer slipped his mind. The blue-eyed prince saw he took a bit to think and spoke again. “It’s just… you’ve been really distant lately, and I wanted to make sure you were doing alright. You can tell me if I’m bothering you at all, y’know.” 

“No, no, you’re not bothering me at all!” Clay managed to reply. Finally, a word of truth from his mouth. “I’m just not very good at putting feelings into words, I guess. I don’t really like people worrying about me, so…” He shrugged, hoping he didn’t have to continue, but the hopeful look on Nick’s face made the words fall out. “I tend to bottle things up when there are more important things to worry about.” The taller prince admitted, bit by bit the weight on his shoulders lifting. 

A small smile reached Nick’s face as he nodded. Clay almost felt better just by the slight encouragement it gave him. “See? That wasn’t so bad!” Nick cheered, giving Clay’s knee a gentle tap. “Anything else on your mind? Only if you’re willing to talk, of course. No pressure here, man.” He promised, leaning back to give Clay’s words his full attention. 

He didn’t know when it happened, but something clicked in Clay’s brain. It was a sense of trust that felt familiar. It reminded him of the first time he opened up to George. A moment of hesitation and a shaky breath later, words pooled from Clay’s mouth like a waterfall of emotion. He talked for hours, sitting there with Nick in his most vulnerable moments. He never realized he could talk that much before. 

He talked about the stress, the pressure, and everything building up around him like a box of every little detail that was designed to make him suffer. He talked about the pressure of finding a wife within a week, and how his parents wouldn’t be the happiest if he admitted he wasn’t ready to get married. Everything he’d been worried about for the past few months was blurted out and set on the table like a game of 52 card pickup, except every card was face up. 

Lastly, he talked about his most recent thought process. Casey. He’d never talked to anyone about her as deeply as he’d spoken now, not even with George. 

“She was more than a little sister,” He took a moment to take a deep breath, “she was my best friend. We’d always mess around and make trouble for the guards. Her favorite thing to do was run around the marketplace and beg the locals for new flowers to add to the garden.” Clay chuckled to himself at the memory. It was a bittersweet laugh, filled with sorrow and nostalgia. “When I was sixteen and she was twelve, she made us matching masks to wear out in public so that we could sneak around the guards. I wasn’t all for it, but I’m not one to say no to my little sister, you know?” 

Nick just sat there and listened for a little while longer. He was just glad that he was able to get Clay to open up to him, especially as much as he was doing now. He didn’t expect much at all, really, but he knew he just had to keep listening. 

The poor prince looked pained to reach back into the memory. Like he was touching a flame, but not pulling back, even though it hurt. “I wish I had said no that day. Even now, I still can’t help but blame myself.” He muttered, clutching the ironic smiling mask in his hands. 

“I’m sure it’s not your fault, Clay.” Nick reassured, giving his knee another encouraging pat. Sad green eyes looked up at him, pain and guilt filling the glassy depths. “You don’t have to continue if it hurts.”

“No, I’m fine.” Clay took a couple deep breaths. “I… I need to tell someone. Eventually.”

Nick tilted his head to the side. “Alright, go on when you’re ready, then.” He spoke quietly, giving the boy a moment to recuperate. 

A couple shaky, deep breaths later, Clay continued the story. Nick felt bad for being intrigued, but he listened just as intently as before nonetheless. “Casey wanted to go out and do our usual begging for flowers,” he slowly choked out, “and I… I didn’t see a problem with it. So we put on our masks and we went out into the market. But I somehow managed to lose her in the crowd, and-” Clay’s breath hitched in his throat- “and when I finally found her, a guard had her in an alley, thinking she was a thief. I- I just wish I’d had the guts to… to speak, say anything.” 

That was when he broke down into tears. Nick shifted a bit to bring him into a comforting hug that lasted for a long while. Like he thought before, time didn’t feel real anymore. If he could spend forever in that warm embrace, he would- because he’d never felt safer than in that moment. His thoughts had finally set him free of the guilt he carried for as long as he could remember. 

And all it took was a little prince being nosy.


	4. The Party (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Clay to face the root of his anxiety once and for all. The party is only a couple hours away, and he has plenty of time to mull things over. There's only one problem, though.
> 
> He may have forgotten to do something very trivial.

“Move that table over to the left a bit- no no, that’s too far!”

It was the day of the prince’s birthday ball, and everyone was rushing to get things perfected. George figured he’d take his day off to oversee the decorations of the ballroom, since he thought it wouldn’t be stressful, but he was very wrong. He was definitely not a genius when it came to interior design, but clearly the servants weren’t either. The poor guard had never felt more stressed in his life. 

Directing the servants was something George never thought he would do in his time as a personal guard. But every day came as a surprise, and he took on the things he thought he could handle. However, George’s anger was a ticking time bomb that he knew would explode if these people were anymore clueless.

A meek servant walked up to George and mumbled a question. He diverted his attention from the failed placement of the snack table to the person before him. “What was that? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.” George tried his best not to sound angry, but the servant flinched nonetheless.

“I-I, um, I wanted to know which one of these tablecloths would be best suited for the tables? I wasn’t sure what color would fit best.” They repeated, holding out the two sheets for George to observe.

He looked over the two sheets quietly, taking a little bit longer to inspect them than normal. The small servant seemed to grow more nervous the longer he stared at them. George finally looked up and stared at the person before him. “I’m colorblind.”

“Oh.” The servant looked down at the two sheets. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you in any way. I’ll ask Daryl instead, my apologies.” Now very embarrassed, they rushed off with the cloths in hand. George was still confused, but it lightened his mood a bit, so he wasn’t complaining. 

As the hours passed by, the ballroom looked more like a party and less like a trainwreck. It was almost time for guests to arrive and for the servants to clear out. The closer it got to the deadline, the more stress built up in George. _Let’s hope this thing isn’t an absolute disaster_. 

Thirty minutes before their time was up, the guards convened and had a pep talk. They discussed their shifts and who would be where at what time. Making sure everything was organized, Techno himself led the meeting and showed his fellow guards the blueprints he’d spent weeks on. 

“Bad, Ant, you’ll be on the east side for the first half of the party. George and Karl, I’ll have you on the western side.” The pink haired guard directed, pointing at a map of the ballroom. He then moved his finger to the front of the room. “I’ll be patrollin’ the entrance, and the extra guards can patrol in between the east and west. Sound good to you?” He turned to the crowd of guards, who all muttered different versions of yesses. 

George watched as the group dissipated and took their spots, but he stayed beside Techno for a bit. He figured he’d ask, since he was there and free for the moment. “I heard your family was coming by,” He spoke up, getting Techno’s attention, “any clue when they’ll be here?”

With a sigh, Techno turned to George with the rolled up blueprints in hand. “I’m not sure. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad showed up early just to catch me before the crowd settled in.” He huffed, then gave George a bonk on the head with the paper. “You better warn me if you see ‘em. I have a reputation to uphold, yaknow?” This made George chuckle lightly. 

However, before George could agree to this statement, a loud mouth interrupted their conversation. Techno’s usually monotone face molded into horror as he saw the owner of said voice. “BLADE!” His younger brother shouted, launching himself at his equally tall brother. “It’s been forever! You really gotta start letting us visit more often, I mean, come on!” 

Techno looked at George for help, but he only backed away as Prince Tommy pestered his older brother. He turned around to see Phil and Wilbur walking into the ballroom, admiring the decorations and food layout. “Hello, your majesty. I see you’re a bit early.” George greeted and bowed to Phil. He didn’t usually come to big events like this, but George assumed he wanted to see his son.

“Yeah, well, if we came _on time_ , we wouldn’t have seen Techno at all.” Prince Wilbur chuckled, looking down at George with his arms crossed. The royal family from the Antarctic Empire was filled with giants, all over the height of 6’1”, aside from Phil. He stood at a hefty height of 5’11”, which was still much taller than George. 

Phil laughed and looked over at his poor son, who was being pestered by Tommy still. “He seems to be having fun. I’ll go make sure they aren’t setting anything on fire. It was nice to see you again, George.” He waved to the guard and went over to his two sons, who were fighting over… something. 

He would be lying if he said Wilbur’s height didn’t intimidate him. The prince was a whole nine inches taller, so George had to lean back to look him in the eyes. “I’m sure you’re happy to see Techno today.” George tried to make light conversation. It didn’t help that Wilbur was both tall and pretty. 

The tall prince shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, trying to fluff it up properly. “I suppose I am. Though I would’ve come anyway, cause… you know. Princes gotta support princes.” He gave George a small smile. “How’s the wife hunt going? He pick someone yet?” 

A disappointed sigh left George’s lungs. “I’m not sure. I haven’t heard from Prince Clay since yesterday evening.” He admitted, shifting his weight between his feet. George really hoped things turned out well for Clay. “Last I heard, he hadn’t chosen a candidate. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t choose anyone at all.” The poor guard spoke the truth. 

“Hm,” Wilbur hummed, “well, I wish him luck. I struggled to find a wife, too, you know. Hell, I didn’t find the right one ‘till I stumbled upon Sally at the beach.” He laughed lightly, a twinkle in his eye. George noticed that he looked genuinely happy. 

_Oh, right_. It hit George before Wilbur had to break the news himself. “That’s right, aren’t you two expecting?” He asked curiously. “Congratulations, by the way. I’m sure you two will have a wonderful kid.” 

Wilbur nodded, his smile stuck on his excited face. The guard had never seen something so genuine. “Thank you, George. I’ll name it after you if it’s a boy.” He joked, gently punching him in the shoulder. They shared a laugh between them before things got quiet. They took the time to watch as Phil scolded his other two sons. It was unclear what for, but they both looked very guilty, so it was entertaining nonetheless. 

Eventually, it became time for guests to filter in. George took the time to say goodbye to Wilbur and greet the new people, complimenting their outfits and overall welcoming them to the event. Soon enough, Clay would arrive, and they’d have a good night. At least, George hoped they’d have a good night. They deserved it after all they’d been through, right?

~~~~

Clay hated getting dressed for big events. He wished he could go back to wearing a simple button up shirt, but no, he had to wear five layers of clothing to look “dapper”. There was nothing he hated more than the scratchy clothing, aside from the event itself. After every article of clothing he put on, the pit in his stomach only fell further. 

It was only a matter of time before he would be introduced at the party, his own _birthday party_. He honestly wished he could never turn twenty, so he could hide under his blankets forever. To be invisible to the world around him was all he wanted at that point. It sounded like the best case scenario at the moment. 

Eventually, his time to hide was up, signalled by the light knock at his door. He knew it was Nick just by the sound of the knock. He put his last layer of clothing on and sighed. “Come in.” He called out as he struggled to button up the vest.

The other prince walked in, and Clay couldn’t help but stare when he turned around. His medium length dark hair was smoothed back and pulled up into a tight bun, and he was dressed the nicest Clay had seen him for the entire month he’d visited so far. The vest and tie he was wearing were both a pretty pastel orange, the vest having gold accented details strewn about the surface. It was the most interesting part of his outfit, but put together, Nick looked very handsome in his entirety. 

Clay was finally snapped out of his admiration when Nick spoke. “Hey, you ready? They’re kinda waiting for you down there.” He gave the other prince a reassuring smile, aware that he was pretty stressed already. “I figured I’d go down with you! Like bros, y’know?”

He laughed quietly and nodded, finishing up the last button. It took him way longer than necessary, but he finally did it. “Yeah, I guess I can’t avoid it any longer.” Clay joked, a sense of dread settling over his shoulders. He really didn’t want to go, but he had no choice. 

The two princes made their way out of Clay’s room and down the stairs. Light conversation travelled between them, casual jokes to lighten the mood thrown back and forth. It was a party! They were going to have fun and stay up all night chatting about the stuff that goes down. Nothing could go wrong at Clay’s birthday party.

Clay hated referring to it as his “birthday party”. It made it sound like some little kid’s gathering with their friends, but it was much more of a big deal than that. Today was the day Clay turned twenty, was officially recognized as the heir to his parent’s throne, and was expected to find a wife. It was a lot of responsibility for an adult that just came to be. 

To top it all off, many powerful authority figures and assorted townspeople were there. If he slipped up in any way, shape, or form, word would travel between the townsfolk and kingdoms extremely fast. He had no room to fuck anything up. Clay was stuck, in the spotlight, for an entire evening, and he wasn’t sure how well things would end up. 

They finally arrived at the ballroom, immediately being greeted and swarmed by guests. Clay felt bad for Nick, as he looked uncomfortable in the crowd. He pried them away from the guests, finally getting a breath of fresh air. They managed to get a laugh out of it, so that was a relief. 

“I didn’t know you were so popular, Clay!” Nick giggled, stealing a few hors d'oeuvres from the snack table. He stuck one in his mouth and chewed obnoxiously loud. “The party’s bigger than I expected.”

Chuckling softly, Clay looked around the room full of people dressed up nicely. “Yeah, well, Talia is a big place.” He shrugged, getting himself a cup of water. “Also I’m sure other kingdoms sent someone to represent them. My parents are persuasive like that, I guess.” Clay wasn’t sure where to take the conversation at the point. So he took it upon himself to just stare into his cup.

Another voice joined in, catching Clay’s attention. “Or you’re just a pretty popular guy. I dunno, you seem like too much of a loser to be popular.” The new person joked, getting a confused glance from Nick. 

Clay sighed and turned to his old friend. “Hey, Wilbur. It’s been a while. And no, I’m not a loser.” He looked between the two princes and decided he should probably introduce them. “Nick, this is Prince Wilbur from the Antarctic Empire. We’ve known each other for a while.” 

With a nod, Nick extended his hand to shake. His normal goofy smile was back on his face. “Hi Wilbur, I’m Prince Nick from Alonem. It’s nice to meet you!” He greeted, and the two shook hands briefly. “My god, you’re a fucking _giant_ , dude.” Nick craned his neck to look up at the older prince. He just laughed in response. 

“I’m only, what, two inches taller than Clay? It’s not like you have to strain yourself that much.” Wilbur shrugged and pointed over at George, who resided in a corner. “Gogy over there is shorter than you. He’s got much more of an issue looking me in the eyes. It’s absolutely _hilarious_.” 

“Gogy? What kind of a nickname is that?” Nick burst out in laughter. Understanding that they were getting along well, Clay removed himself from the conversation and walked off. He grabbed himself a small plate of food and headed off to a more secluded spot; a place where he could sit in silence and think to himself. 

It was a balcony that led off of the ballroom, but not many people knew of the exit to said balcony. The area was closed off to guests, so he was alone. Clay picked at the food gingerly as his mind wandered. The night so far was generally overwhelming, that being with all the people crowding him, childhood friends returning when he least expected it. He wished things would go slower for his sake. 

He was glad to have left the party when he did. Clay wasn’t sure how much longer he would’ve been able to handle the crowd. Overall it was just stressful to be surrounded by people who all had such high expectations of you. Imagine being in a situation where you were pressured to make a decision, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to make it. What would you do?

Clay never found the answer to that question. He’d asked himself that for weeks, sitting alone for hours at a time just brainstorming something to solve his problem. _Some problems just don’t have solutions_ , his brain came up with, _I guess this is one of those problems_. Except he did have a solution; a very clear one. He just didn’t want to go that far. 

At some point, Nick came back to check up on him. He didn’t know how long he’d been alone, but it was dark and cold, so his friend brought him a warm drink. “Hey, you disappeared back there. You alright?” Nick asked quietly, speaking in a lower tone so no one heard them. The genuine concern in his voice made Clay calm down a bit. 

“I just came out here to think.” Clay responded honestly, sipping at the warm mug. The taste of apple cider was brought to his lips, and he swallowed down half the cup. “How long was I gone?” He asked, watching Nick’s face contort into a thoughtful look. 

“Uhh…” He thought back to when he last saw his fellow prince at the snack table. “Around an hour, I think? People were asking about you, but I just told them I didn’t know where you were.” Nick shrugged, a dopey smile spread across his cheeks. 

Clay hummed and stared out into the city. Lights slowly went out, one by one, as people went to sleep for the night. It was getting quite late, so he wasn’t surprised to see the warm lights fade from the horizon. _I should probably tell him_ , he thought as he saw another light go out, _he’ll probably be able to help, right_?

Taking a deep breath, Clay turned to face Nick. He set the mug down on the edge of the balcony. An unsettling feeling tossed in his stomach as he forced the words out of his throat. “I wasn’t able to pick a candidate.”

The blue eyed prince was quiet for one second. Two. Three. It finally clicked in his head. “Wait, what? Wasn’t the deadline today?” He asked, clearly confused. 

“It was,” Clay responded, “but I just couldn’t do it.”

Nick took a moment to think before he replied. “Why?”

Another deep breath taken, another sentence shoved from the lump in his throat. Clay knew he had to say it. _Spit it out, come on_. He egged himself on. His voice didn’t even sound like his own when it reached his ears.

“Because,” his breath hitched in his throat, “I don’t like girls.”


	5. The Party (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay's a man of many words, but none of them feel like the right ones. He's got a crowd and a mother to please, but he's sure he won't be able to pull it off.
> 
> ~~
> 
> Hi everyone! Apologies for not uploading for a bit. I haven't been feeling the best as of late, but I tried to get this out as soon as possible. Also, I'm sorry for how short this chapter is- it's still very wordy, but alas, it's shorter than the others. I hope you enjoy!!
> 
> Before I go, I will warn you that there is mentions/descriptions of a panic attack in this chapter. Just for those who need it :)

Nick was quiet for a moment, giving himself time for things to fully process. This was real- the words Clay said were very much the truth. He felt bad for taking so long to respond, so he finally just spit words out, even though he hadn’t fully processed everything. “Well, yeah. It seemed kinda obvious since you didn’t pick anyone.” He shrugged it off. 

The other prince let out an audible sigh, but the tension was still there. Nick knew there was more to it than just admitting to it. “Even so,” Clay paused briefly, “I’m going to be called down there in an hour or so, and they’re going to expect me to introduce my bride. What am I supposed to say? ‘Oh, I just couldn’t find the right one’?” He angrily huffed and stuffed his face into his hands. “I can’t keep lying to everyone.”

“I don’t think it’s lying when it comes to personal preference.” Nick responded in a matter-of-fact tone. “Like, it’s no one’s business but your own to make the decision to come out, if that makes sense.” He smiled and turned to Clay. The blue-eyed prince gave him a reassuring pat on the back. “If it helps at all, I came out to my parents on my own terms about a year ago. No one should force you into anything, even if you’re pressured by it.” Nick hummed, staring out into the dark abyss that used to be lit up before them. 

“Wait,” Clay peeked out from his hands, “you’re… you know?”

Nick let out a laugh and nodded. “Well,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I like guys and girls. But even so, I get where you’re coming from, man. Just find the time when _you’re_ ready, and everything will be fine!” He encouraged his fellow prince. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, sitting in the comfortable atmosphere they’d created between them. Clay was nothing but grateful for the advice he was given; needless to say, he was undeserving of such support. Somehow, Nick always managed to say the right thing at the right time. He was just good with words like that. 

Clay was… not one of those people. He wasn’t very emotionally inclined, and tended to lean more on the apathetic side. He was good with words, yes, but not when it came to emotions. Most times, he tended to say the wrong things, or mix up words. At some point, he wished he could return the favor to Nick.

“Thank you,” Clay spoke quietly, “for the advice, I mean. I really needed it.” He gave the blue-eyed prince a grateful smile. No words could emphasize his point, but even so, he had to say _something_.

The shorter prince gave him a small nod. “Of course, dude. You can always trust me.” He responded with a big smile, leaning over to ruffle Clay’s hair. He was quiet for a moment before speaking up again. “We should probably get back to the party soon,” Nick suggested, “but we can stay here until you’re ready.”

The two of them just sat there, leaning against each other to preserve heat. It was, in fact, getting quite cold, so of course they had to find warmth somewhere. He didn’t know when it happened, but Nick had subconsciously migrated to Clay’s side, tucking his cold hands under his legs. Surprisingly, Clay wasn’t as cold- but he wasn’t going to complain when there was a cute boy practically cuddling him.

He pushed the previous thought to the back of his mind. Nope, he was _not_ going to think that way about Nick. They were friends, nothing more, nothing less. Besides the fact that he shared pretty much everything with the boy, he knew that he couldn’t ruin what they already had. It wasn’t fair to him, or Nick, for that matter.

A loud knock startled the two boys from their positions, panicking and scooting away as they whipped around to see who disturbed their peace. Luckily, it was just George. The two collectively let out a sigh of relief, but Clay knew the reason he was coming out onto the balcony.

“Um,” George cleared his throat, trying to forget what he’d just witnessed, “Your mother’s asking for you, Clay. I think it’s time.” He spoke softly, but the gentle tone wasn’t enough to ease the prince’s nerves. The guard walked over and helped Clay up from the ground. “You’ve got this. Take it easy, okay?” George whispered to him. He hoped that the prince would be okay. 

With a nervous nod, Clay looked back at Nick. The younger prince smiled and gave him a thumbs up. Despite the support, the fire in his stomach didn’t dim at all. It was as if a dragon lived in his gut, feeding off his negative thoughts and emotions. The closer he got to the stage at the end of the ballroom, the more the fire burned. _Please, just let me be a good liar._

Each step that brought him up the stairs felt like it took hours to complete. The few seconds it took consisted of a whirlpool of thoughts in his head, the anxious feeling in his chest only growing as he turned to face the crowd. He felt like a fool, an absolute moron, for going up there, only to lie to thousands of people. It didn’t feel right, but it was for the best, right?

 _For the best_ , he thought, taking a deep breath. _Yeah. It’s for the best. It’ll be fine._ Clay shook the nerves out of his hands before stepping up to the edge of the stage, putting on a brave smile as the guests applauded his appearance. He’d never felt more nervous and pressured in his life. 

“Hello everyone,” Clay’s voice echoed as the clapping died down, “I wanted to take the time and thank you all for coming to this wonderful party. It’s a big day for me and the entirety of Talia.” He tried so hard to keep the shakiness out of his voice. His eyes searched the crowd, finally finding Nick. The pressure in his chest eased slightly. “I’d also like to thank the ones who made this gathering possible- so give a hand for all the servants and chefs for putting this together!”

The ballroom erupted with another round of applause. Clay took the time to put the words together in his head, not having planned for this speech at all. He probably should’ve, but the power of procrastination was very strong. Once the room got quiet again, he continued to speak. “You all are aware that today is special for a particular reason,” his eyes flicked to his mother before going back to Nick, “but not just because it’s my birthday. It’s also because I’m expected to choose a spouse today.” His heartbeat grew loud in his ears, no longer able to hear his own echo. _Just a little bit longer._ Clay told himself. _Keep going._

He hoped the people didn’t hear the shake in his inhale before he continued. “Well, I’m here to announce that I,” Clay swallowed the lump in his throat, “Prince Clay of the Kingdom of Talia, unfortunately haven’t selected a bride yet.” Gasps and whispers broke out into the crowd. He knew they were speculating, discussing what could’ve possibly prevented him from doing so. “And you may be wondering why. My explanation for you is that I simply haven’t found the right one yet. I will soon, though, I promise that to you all.” He gave one last reassuring smile to the crowd. _That should calm their suspicions for now._

“Please, enjoy the rest of the party. Have a good night, everyone.” Clay spoke his final words before stumbling off the stage, almost falling right on his face. The room spun around him as he tried to navigate through the crowd. He’d never been good with public speaking, especially on the spot. His brain screamed at him to find somewhere quiet and alone. 

He felt like he’d blacked out for an hour when he managed to kick the door of his room open. Kicking it shut, the prince collapsed on his bed and curled up into a ball. His heartbeat hadn’t slowed at all; even thinking back to the things he said made it accelerate. _It wasn’t that bad, I shouldn’t be this affected by it._ Clay thought, gripping his knees in an attempt to stop his hands from shaking. _Just stop,_ he pleaded, _please, just stop shaking._

Time passed slowly- not that Clay could tell, but it did nonetheless. He didn’t even realize the party was over until Nick peeked in the room, which he didn’t even notice, either. The prince jumped when he felt a warm hand press against his back. He lifted his face from his knees to see Nick crouched at the side of his bed, gently rubbing his back in reassurance. 

The younger prince reached his other hand up to wipe Clay’s face, and that was when he realized he’d been crying. He didn’t know for how long, but the tears flowed harder than they did before. The combination of the stress and comfort was overwhelming. However, he knew that if he’d been alone, he might’ve been worse off.

He cried and cried for what felt like hours, Nick not saying a word. Clay was grateful for his presence, since he knew he wouldn’t have been able to speak in the first place. It was only after he stopped his cry session that he realized the younger prince was gently massaging his hands. 

A few shaky deep breaths later, Clay was calm enough to speak. He didn’t want to, after the catastrophe he’d just gotten himself into. But he trusted Nick, probably more than he should.

Nick was the one that initiated the conversation. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly. He didn’t let go of Clay’s hand; not that he wanted him to. 

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words to say without messing it up. Finally, he found the right combination. “I am now,” He croaked, throat sore from the irregular breathing, “I don’t know… why that happened. I… I’m sorry.” Clay apologized and brought his other hand to wipe his eyes. 

“No need to be sorry, dude. Shit happens, it’s okay.” Nick reassured, his thumb tracing a circle on the back of his hand. The older prince almost got distracted before he spoke again. “You’re probably just really anxious when it comes to public speaking. Have you ever done that kind of thing before?”

Thinking back on it, Clay couldn’t remember a time where he’d ever spoken to a crowd before. He gently shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. Then again, I was probably just nervous about the amount of people. It’s probably not a big deal.” Clay shrugged it off. He’d never experienced something like this before, but he didn’t think much of it. It was probably a one time thing, right?

Nick frowned, giving Clay’s hand a gentle squeeze. He looked genuinely worried, and Clay felt kind of guilty. “Even so, you should probably be careful. This could be really serious, Clay.” He sighed, words dripping with concern. “Please, if this ever happens again, come get me. You won’t bother me, I promise.” The younger prince looked up at him expectantly. 

With a half-hearted smile, Clay nodded. The guilty feeling didn’t leave his chest. “Alright, I will.” He promised, squeezing Nick’s hand back. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Nick’s sole presence helped him calm down. Deep in his gut, he knew the younger prince was right to be worried. 

But Clay was stubborn. And he sure as hell didn’t want his closest friend to suffer with him.


	6. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Nick's last day in Talia, and he wants to make it count. However, there are some things left unsaid, and he learns to regret it.
> 
> ~~
> 
> Hi! Just a heads up, this chapter does have a major time skip. From this point on, the story continues one year ahead of the events of the last five chapters :)

A week later, Nick made it his mission to spend as much time with Clay as possible. Every second the taller prince had time to spare, Nick was there and dragged him off to relax. The days that went by were too fast for him. He wished time would slow down- so he could spend more time with the friend he’d made. 

The conversation he had with Karl the night after the party rang in his mind. He wished they didn’t have to talk about it, but unfortunately, duties came before friendship. That’s how a prince’s world worked. No matter how many friends he’d made, they eventually drifted away due to responsibility getting in the way. He hoped it wasn’t the same with Clay. 

“You need to go home soon, Prince Nick.” Karl had addressed, a worried tone in his voice. “Your parents miss you, dude. It’s been a month since you’ve been back. Don’t you wanna go?” 

Nick hummed, giving himself a moment to think. He hated that he even hesitated, but he was picking between his parents and an important friend. “I… I do.” He responded hesitantly. “But I don’t want to lose contact with Clay. We’ve grown close these past few weeks, y’know?” The young prince sighed and leaned against a wall. He hated having to choose. 

The guard was quiet, letting Nick mull things over, before he spoke up again. He gave the prince a small smile. “Maybe write letters back and forth once you’re home?” Karl suggested. “That way you can stay friends even though you can’t see each other.” The idea seemed to catch Nick’s attention, and his mood lightened up. 

“Yeah,” He beamed, “yeah! That’s a good idea. Thanks, Karl.” Nick lightly punched the guard on the shoulder. He was about to head off when another question popped in his head. “Oh, right, um, when are we heading back?” 

Karl huffed and brought out a notebook. He flipped through the pages quietly before he found what he was looking for. “I’ll give you another week, I guess. Now go, have fun with your friend.” He smiled and shooed the prince, who ran off happily. However, he knew that the poor thing didn’t want to leave, no matter how much he missed his parents. 

Present day, Nick had led Clay back out to the meadowy outskirts. It had been a while since they’d been back, so he figured his last day with his friend would be nicely spent at the first place they really bonded at. They sat in the grass, staring up at the clouds as they chatted about nothing in particular. It was quiet and calm- everything Nick wanted the day to be. 

He didn’t want it to end. As much as he missed home, staying right by Clay’s side felt more natural. He’d never felt so unfiltered, as if he could say anything without it coming out wrong. Everything felt like it was meant to be when they bantered back and forth, giggling at dumb jokes they made as townspeople passed them by. Each time he burst out in laughter, the more he wished this moment could last forever. 

But he knew, eventually, it would end. 

“Why’d you pick Dream of all things?” Nick asked, tossing a rock he found as far as he could into the field. He’d been curious about the name of choice for a while, but he hadn’t had the chance to ask. He figured now was as good a time as any. 

Clay shrugged, picking a tiny yellow flower apart in his hands. “I dunno. It just sounded cool to me, I guess.” He responded and threw the empty stem off to the side. His green eyes traced the clouds in the sky, a thoughtful look of his face. “I guess a life outside all this is what I’ve always 'dreamed' of. Running away from this is something I’ve thought about a bit, I won’t lie. I guess that sort of ties into the name.” 

Chuckling softly, Nick sat up, messy hair getting in his face. He had a sudden idea. “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if I had a secret code name, too?” He chirped, poking Clay’s arm until he got his full attention. “We could brainstorm together! Come on, it’ll be fun.” Nick’s smile was too irresistible, so Clay sighed and sat up to brainstorm with him. 

They ran through random ideas, none of which sounded right. The two sat there for a good thirty minutes, just throwing names out and interrogating poor Nick for any ideas. Eventually, Clay had an epiphany. His excitement made him shoot up from his spot, pride in his eyes. 

“I got it!” Clay cheered, throwing his arms in the air. “Okay okay, remember the first day we met? You ranted to me about pandas for an hour.” He brought up, making Nick laugh hysterically. The tall prince pouted. “Come on, listen! What if it was pandas, but backwards?” He suggested, the passion in his eyes reflecting in the sun. 

Nick took a moment to mull it over. “Sadnap?” He tested it out, but eventually shook his head. It still sounded off. “It makes me sound sad. I’m anything but sad, _Dream_.” He snorted, seeing the disappointed face on Clay’s face. 

He sighed and sat down, his legs crossed. He looked troubled, deep in thought. A few seconds later, another epiphany struck him. “Sapnap.” Clay blurted, eyes darting over to the prince in front of him. “That’s it, that’s the one!” 

The shorter prince thought about it, deciding to test it out. “Sapnap,” He repeated, “okay, I actually kind of like that. It has a nice ring to it!” Nick beamed, leaning over to bump into Clay lightly. “You’re a genius, man. I never would’ve thought of the panda thing.” He laughed, an unfortunate empty feeling in his chest. Although he was happy, he wished he could stay longer. 

He knew Clay was most likely aware that he was leaving soon. As much as he didn’t want to bring it up, he had to. They had things to discuss, after all. “Hey, Dream?” Nick addressed the older prince nervously. “I have a couple things I wanna talk about. Serious things, I mean.” 

Confused, Clay turned to look at Nick. “Yeah, what is it? You can talk to me, man.” The slightest hint of concern in his voice.

“I…” Nick hesitated to speak, “I’m leaving tonight. I don’t want to, don’t get me wrong, but… I have a kingdom to get back to.” He anxiously tapped his fingers against his knee. He didn’t want to leave, but he promised Karl he’d go. 

Nick braced for an angry response, anything but something positive. He was genuinely surprised when Clay’s voice was gentle. “It’s.. okay.” The words were soothing, but somewhat hesitant. “I get it. We both have responsibilities, you to your kingdom, and me to mine. I’m just glad we had the time to get to know each other while we could.” He hummed, eyes tracing the clouds passing by. “I’m grateful to have met you, man.” Clay said with a sad smile. He knew this meant goodbye. 

The blue eyed prince looked down and chuckled. He didn’t know it’d be this hard. “Yeah. I’m glad I got to meet you, too.” Nick responded softly, poking the gentle flowers at his feet. He tried with his whole body to not cry. _I’m not gonna do it_. “Promise me we’ll meet again?” He held out his pinky, not looking up. 

With a soft laugh, Clay brought his pinky up to Nick’s and clasped them together. If he focused enough, he could tell they were both shaking. “I promise,” the smile in his voice was evident, “we will see each other again. Even if I have to cross the world to see you. I’ll do it.”

They shared a final laugh in the meadow. Nick never knew how he’d found so much comfort in the little hill, but he wished he could go back the minute he stepped back into the crowd of people. _Come back_ , he could almost hear the wind whisper, _don’t leave_. He wanted so badly to listen to the voice, to stay there until it got dark, laughing hysterically with Clay until they fell asleep under the stars. 

He wished he could go back to those intimate moments, late at night, just comforting one another. Secluded in the green walls of Clay’s room, the smell of cinnamon (thanks to the incense his mother had strewn across every room) pleasantly drifting through the air. Tear soaked shirts tossed aside and replaced with one that was way too big. 

Nick knew he couldn’t go back. And that was the worst part, as he looked back at Talia, at Clay, before trotting off on his horse. Back home, away from his only friend. It was too late to run back and beg Karl to let him stay longer. 

He wished he’d told Clay the most important thing he’d learned over his trip.

But he was even too late for that.

~~~~

Alonem was a decently small city, but they definitely took pride in their architecture. Their buildings were impressive- unique designs on each remarkable landmark. Nick always liked looking at the lights from the towers at night. They always calmed his nerves whenever he stared at them for hours on end. 

This night, however, was special. It had been exactly a year since the party he’d attended at Talia, and he was now twenty years old. Nick stared out into the abyss of lights, turning on as the sky grew darker. He’d promised himself he’d write a letter, reach out to Dream, maybe even tell him how things were going in Alonem. Ask him how he was doing, maybe. But every day, he found himself busy, and never had the time to sit down and write.

He felt guilty. A year passed, and he’d not made a single move to reach out to the friend he’d made the past year. Nick wished he did, every single day, but he always found himself making excuses. Especially this time of year, he felt absolutely miserable. He missed Clay with every fiber of his being, but it’s not like he could do anything about it. The older he became, the more he was expected to act in his kingdom as a royal. Now he understood the stress Clay had handled on his own back then. 

_Stop thinking about him_ , Nick thought and gave his face a couple smacks, _you have more important things to think about_. He sighed, seeing a few lights go out in the corner of his eye. It was getting late, but he wasn’t the slightest bit tired. He usually found himself staying up later than intended, which definitely was not healthy, but as long as he didn’t mention it to his guards, it wouldn’t matter. 

Unfortunately, though, he had to force himself to sleep. The lights burned into his eyelids soon faded, as well as his consciousness, as he drifted off. _Big day tomorrow_ , was one of his last thoughts, _gotta be prepared_.

Nick tended to dream on the brink of stressful events. He didn’t know why, or the explanation behind it, but he had a very… odd dream that night. Part of him assumed it was because those events plagued his mind every night, or the things he wished he did back then. Then again, he wasn’t an expert on dreams. 

The young prince’s blue eyes fluttered open to the meadow in Talia, late at night, the stars bright in the sky. It was a scene he always hoped to see, and yet never got to. The wild flowers were painted with white moonlight, the grass still warm from the sun baking it during the day. He let out a relaxed sigh as he sank into the grass. He could’ve sworn he felt said grass pricking his skin.

“It’s nice out,” Nick jumped as a voice spoke up next to him, “the stars are beautiful.” 

“Dream?” He sat up, seeing his friend sitting next to him and looking up at the sky. Just like he was on the final day. “I’d ask what you’re doing here, but…” He chuckled to himself. 

Clay smiled, not breaking his gaze from the stars. “Well, this is Talia. It’s my home.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “I guess I have the right to ask you what you’re doing here. You think of me that much?” 

Nick felt his face heat up. He immediately shook his head. “Not like that, man. I just…” He paused, “I missed you. And I know I’m a shitty friend for not reaching out, but… things have been hard recently. Im sorry.” The shorter prince sighed, clutching his knees to his chest. 

Finally, Clay looked down at Nick. His eyes were darker than he remembered. “You don’t have to apologize, Sapnap. I’m not even real.” He hummed, resting his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. When he didn’t respond, Clay spoke up again. “You knew that, didn’t you?” He asked quietly. 

“Yeah,” Nick responded in a whisper, “but it felt good. To say sorry, I mean. Even if I won’t ever get to.” He sucked in a shaky breath, turning to look at Clay. His freckles looked similar to stars in the moonlight. Nick wished he could wake himself up, but alas, the dream wasn’t done with him yet. 

Before he even realized it, he felt the warmth of Clay’s hand in his. It reminded him of the night of the party, the comforting squeezes they gave each other, the cuddling on the balcony. His tense shoulders lowered, letting his guard down. “I’m sorry I never got to tell you.” Nick spoke suddenly. “I know we only knew each other for a month, but… fuck, I loved you. You were important to me. I wish… I hadn’t let go.” He blurted out, vomiting up the feelings he’d repressed for so long. It felt good to get them out, but he knew it was pointless in the end. 

“You didn’t have a choice, Sapnap.” Clay responded quietly, and the younger boy could feel him squeeze his hand gently. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. “Who knows what would’ve happened had you not gone home.” 

“I know,” a tear rolled down his cheek, “I know.”

Upon waking up, Nick wiped his face miserably. It was damp from tears shed while he was asleep, but he just ignored it. He had a big day to prepare for, after all. He tossed his covers aside and glanced at the fancy clothes a servant had set out for him. He hated formal events, but importance outweighed his hatred. 

He layered the clothing on, buckling his belt and doing up his buttons. The elaborate designs seemed too much for him, but he had no room to complain. Just one day he had to wear this stupid extravagant stuff. Then everything would be back to normal. 

Well, that was a lie. Nothing would be normal again after today, really. But Nick didn’t tell himself that. He stepped out of his room, shoulders heavy from both pressure and the amount of clothes on his back. _I hate how dense this shit is_ , he huffed, _at least I’ll only have to wear it for a few hours_.

Before he knew it, people filled the hall and took seats. They chattered quietly, an excited buzz stirring through the room. Nick stood at the back, looking over the crowd. Anxiety filled his chest as he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. For the second time, a voice startled him out of his thoughts. This time, he knew it was real. 

“It’s kinda small in here,” He laughed and strolled up to Nick, “it’s nice though. Alonem is definitely a nice place.”

Nick couldn’t believe his eyes. He was at a loss for words. Blue eyes met green, a face dappled with freckles, and a 6’3” devil that was dressed in that damn color they’d laughed at for hours. There was only one thing Nick managed to choke out. 

“Dream? What are you doing here?”


	7. Coronation Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay shows up to Nick's coronation, but at what cost? A year of unattended burdens and issues all piled up in the perfect way to start a conflict between the two. Words are said that may just leave the two thinking for a while.

Clay felt a little hurt by the surprise in Nick’s voice. A year of no contact, not a single word, yet he figured the other prince would at least be a little happy to see him. He didn’t let this affect his friendly smile, of course. “What do you mean? I wouldn’t miss my friend’s coronation for the world.” He lightly nudged Nick’s shoulder. He just hoped the spark was still there.

A light exhale left Nick’s nose as he looked out at the crowd of people. “Yeah, I guess I should’ve figured.” He shrugged before he turned back to look at Clay. Confusion clouded his eyes. “Who invited you? I didn’t see you on the guest list.” 

Another wave of pain spread through his chest. _Ignore it_ , Clay hissed in his head, _he probably doesn’t mean any harm. Just leave it be_. “Karl invited me personally,” Clay explained, “he might’ve wanted to keep it a surprise. That’s the only reason I can see why I’m not on the list.” He huffed, trying his best not to sound bitter. Did Nick actually want him here? He didn’t want to intrude on something he wasn’t invited to. 

They sat in silence as more people filtered in. This time, it was anything but comfortable. The air between them was tense, for what reason, Clay didn’t know. _Did I do something wrong? Is that why he’s acting weird?_ He didn’t want to assume anything, or ask something and possibly make things even more awkward. It was clear things were different now. He couldn’t help but think that, maybe, if he’d sent a letter, things wouldn’t have been so… odd. 

“I’m sorry I’m being weird,” Nick spoke up as if he’d read Clay’s mind, “it’s just… been a while since I’ve really talked to anyone. Especially you.” He spoke softly, taking a deep, shaky breath. The younger prince looked up and gave Clay a sad smile. “I missed you, man.”

Relief calmed his overwhelming thoughts. His smile morphed from forced to being genuine. He raised his arm to pull Nick into a side hug, squeezing his shoulders gently. “I missed you, too.” Clay responded, words unintentionally sounding so unfeigned. He wasn’t one to be obviously emotional, but this was a moment he’d make an exception for. “Well, how have you been? It’s been a year, dude! There’s gotta be something interesting to tell me.” He chuckled, his smile falling when he saw Nick’s sad face. 

His gaze was attached to his feet as the words were forced out of his mouth. Clay regretted even asking the question. “I mean,” Nick cleared his throat, “my parents, they uh… they passed away. That’s probably a given, since you know…” He didn’t finish his sentence. “Anyways, aside from that, nothing eventful happened.”

Clay didn’t really know how to react, so he just hugged Nick closer. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. It must’ve been horrible.” He replied softly, feeling Nick’s arm hesitantly wrap around his waist. “Are you doing okay?” The taller prince asked in a hushed tone, making sure no one could hear them. 

“I…” Nick faltered, “yeah. I’m alright.” There was an unsure tone in his voice, but Clay decided not to press him any further. The warmth left his side as Nick stood up straight, the doors to the smallish room closing. “Well, that’s my cue.” He put on a smile and smoothed out his fancy clothes. “I’ll see you later.” The blue eyes prince waved and walked off, preparing for one of the moments he’d been waiting for this whole time.

And there he went, confidently walking down the center of the seats, royal robe flowing behind him. Clay watched as he stepped up onto the platform, where an older lady stood. She was slightly shorter than Nick, but it didn’t seem to bother her. She whispered something to him, and Clay wondered what it was. Nick then turned to face the crowd, and his breath nearly left his lungs.

He hadn’t noticed before, but Nick was dressed in a way he’d never expected of the casual prince. Each article of clothing had some kind of extravagant swirly or floral pattern that had gold accents. The whole outfit reminded him of the night of the party, only it was much more formal. It hit him suddenly- Nick really looked like a _king_. 

Clay hadn’t even realized that the lady had spoken until he snapped out of his thoughts. She was soft spoken, but even so, her voice carried over the crowd. “I hereby announce, as the spokesman of Alonem, Nicholas Everill, the king of this wonderful land.”

The audience erupted with a roar of applause. Nick bent down so the woman could place the crown atop his head. When he raised his head, he made eye contact with Clay. He saw something in Nick’s eyes that he couldn’t quite understand, but as soon as he thought about it, it was gone. Pushing it to the back of his mind, although curious, he gave the new king a smile and thumbs up. It’s what he’d worked for his whole life. Clay might as well support him while he was still there. 

It was almost an hour later when he met back up with Nick. He’d been stopped individually by almost every person in the room, congratulating him over and over again. Clay figured it was just as exhausting as it looked, since the poor boy looked tired when he walked back over. 

“That was the most stressful situation in my life, and I didn’t even say anything.” Nick immediately said, falling against the back wall and hitting his head against it. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed the exhaustion from his eyes. “God, now I know how you felt at the party.” He chuckled, opening one eye and glancing at Clay.

With a light laugh, Clay leaned on the wall next to him. “I think this kind of situation is more anxiety inducing. I mean, you _did_ just become the king of your nation.” Clay hummed, hearing Nick groan next to him. “Hey, you’re gonna be great! Don’t sweat it.”

The younger prince scoffed and punched Clay in the arm. “Shut up, you’re lucky you don’t have to deal with this yet. I don’t have the slightest clue of what to do.” He groaned again, hiding his face in his hands. “This is a disaster, man.” Nick whined. He silently wished things were different, but alas, the cards weren’t in his favor. 

Clay was deep in thought for a moment before he spoke up. A sly smile creeped onto his face. “What if we came up with a master plan? Like, you get married, so you have someone to look after the kingdom, and then you fake your death. And we run away together.” He suggested jokingly. Well, he was sort of joking. But Nick didn’t need to know that. 

“What I wouldn’t give for an excuse to get the hell out of here.” Nick sighed, dropping his hands. He then turned to look at Clay, what he said finally hitting him head on. “I do have a responsibility here, though. These _are_ still my people. It would be… immature of me to run away.” 

“Yeah,” Clay sighed, “that’s the unfortunate part. Sometime I wish-”

“Clay?” A woman’s voice interrupted, grabbing both boy’s attention. She peeked into the now empty room, looking at the two of them. “Oh, hi. I’ve been looking for you, jeez!” She smiled and walked over. 

Nick studied her closely. She wore a fancy blue dress that reached her mid-calf, and long brunette hair was tied up in a bun. She looked rather plain, but as far as looks went, she was decently attractive. The king narrowed his eyes and looked between the two. “Clay, who’s this?” He asked, an uneasy feeling rising in his stomach. _I’m gonna throw up_.

“Oh.” Clay’s mouth went dry. “Well, uh, this is Rowin. My… wife.”

~~~~

“Why didn’t you tell me he was _married_?!” Nick hissed through his teeth, throwing the robe off his shoulders. A multitude of emotions piled in his chest as he paced the floor of his room. He’d secluded himself not long after he’d met his friend’s wife. It didn’t help at all that he’d just come to terms that maybe, _maybe_ , he liked Dream. Hell, that was all thrown out the window now. 

Karl sighed and picked up the robe from the floor, folding it in his arms. “I genuinely didn’t know, Nick. I mean, I gave him a plus one, but I figured he’d bring George.” The poor guard shrugged and looked back at his other guard friend, who looked very confused. 

“I’m a little lost,” the other guard spoke up, “who the hell is married? And why is it such a big deal?” He asked, looking between the two who awkwardly stared at each other. The young guard waited for a response, but didn’t get one. “Hello?? Are either of you gonna fucking answer me?”

The newfound king cleared his throat. He wished he didn’t have to explain the situation, but alas, he didn’t really have a choice. “We’re talking about Prince Clay. From Talia.” Nick started to elaborate, nervously glancing over at Karl from time to time. “Last year, I went to visit him, since his kingdom was throwing a massive party, and I was invited. So I got to know him, and…” 

“You fell for him? What a fucking idiot.” The guard burst out laughing, only to be elbowed by Karl. He grumbled and rubbed his side. “What the hell, man? I’m trying to lighten the mood, chill out.” 

Karl huffed and looked at the shorter guard, a serious look in his eyes. “Alex, I’m gonna need you to be serious here for a moment, okay? This isn’t something to joke about.” He explained quietly, gesturing to the king when he wasn’t looking. _He’s clearly sensitive_.

He groaned loudly and hit his forehead against the wall. If anything, he wished that he could take it all back. Take back the visit, the month he’d spent with Dream, the moments they’d spent together. All of it. Maybe then he’d have some freedom. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently. _Maybe I wouldn’t be in so much pain_.

A huff interrupted his thought process as Alex stepped up to speak. He lacked his usual gleeful face, which sort of spooked Nick. “Listen, man,” Alex started off, “if that man went and married someone and never took the opportunity to even reach out to you, I’d say he isn’t worth it. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea, dude. You deserve a nice, meaty fish who will give you the time of day.” He gave the king a pat on the shoulder and a lopsided smile. The analogy was weird, but still sort of endearing.

Nick couldn’t help but chuckle. “I never thought I’d hear it phrased like that, but thanks, Alex.” He ran a hand through his hair as he took it out of the neat bun it’d been pulled up in. Little by little, he managed to get out of the restricting fancy clothes he was forced into. Although he did believe his guard was right, he didn’t think he was quite ready to move on just yet. After all, he had just figured out what he’d been feeling this whole time. 

A light knock on the door sent all three into a frozen panic. Each of them shared confused looks, communicating silently. A few seconds later, another knock came, and frantic motions alongside quiet bickering followed. Eventually, they agreed on one of them calling out. “Who is it?” Nick yelled out, glaring at the two guards. His blood froze to ice when he heard the voice outside the door.

“It’s Clay,” the owner of the knock responded, “can I come in? I wanted to talk about a few things. Catch up a bit, you know?” 

Nick looked over at the guards. He couldn’t let Dream in and have the two walk out- it would just look awkward. So instead of having them walk out like normal people, he shoved Alex and Karl into his closet and shut the doors on them. “Uh, yeah.” He called out, quickly pulling his hair back. “Come on in, I guess.” He spoke, voice muffled around the hair tie he held in between his teeth. 

The door opened and shut while Nick was turned around, but he could see the tall prince standing behind him in the mirror. He tried his best to avoid eye contact. It hurt to see those green eyes, staring at him just like they did in the Talian moonlight. He tied up his hair and turned around, hoping it wasn’t obvious how nervous he was. 

“You grew out your hair.” Clay pointed out. God, he hated small talk. With every fiber of his being, he wished he could rip the stupid ice breakers out of the conversation. Even so, he couldn’t blame the prince- after all, the tension between them was more than awkward. “Was that… intentional?” He asked, tiptoeing around the fragility that was their relationship. 

Nick huffed and pulled at the low ponytail he’d created, making it tighter. “Yeah, I guess it was. I like it longer, anyway.” He shrugged, debating whether or not he wanted to carry the conversation in a different route. _Probably shouldn’t_ , he remembered, _Alex and Karl are still in here_. However, the words slipped out before he could bite them back. “Why didn’t you tell me you were married?”

Taken aback, Clay’s face morphed from awkward, to confused, to monotone. He opened his mouth a couple times before he eventually responded. “I didn’t think it was important.” He spoke quietly. His voice sounded vulnerable, and as much as Nick felt bad for him, he couldn’t hold back the fire in his lungs. 

“Not _important_?” Nick retorted with an angry chuckle. “You didn’t think it was important enough to tell me, your be- your friend, that you were married? And to a woman, no less.” The words just came spilling out, brain turning off for whatever conversation they were about to have. He wished he could turn it back on, but there was no going back from there. 

The prince sucked in a shaky breath, eyes looking anywhere but Nick. “Listen, I- I didn’t mean it like that, Nick.” He shook his head, trying to hide the fidgeting of his hands. Clay took a step back. “Trust me, if I had the choice, I wouldn’t have done it at all.” 

“Married her? Or told me?”

“Oh my _god_.” Clay snapped, hesitantly returning the angry tone. “You know fully fucking well that I wouldn’t have married her. I was _forced_ , Nick! There wasn’t anything I could do. I- I couldn’t hide any longer,” His words began to falter as his frustration grew, “so they made me marry some random girl of their choice.” The tension only grew thicker as irritation and bitterness filled the air. Nick didn’t know if it was aimed at him or not. 

Nick finally turned back around, mulling over possible responses to Dream’s little speech. None of them were good, of course, but what else would you do when you were angry? “How long have you been married?” He asked, voice quiet, but still holding the same exasperation. 

“What?” Clay’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“It’s a simple question.” He grumbled. “How long have you been married?” 

Green eyes met blue before wandering off, hesitation clouding his vision. A few moments passed before their eyes met again. The words left Clay’s mouth, stabbing Nick right in the chest. “Almost a year.” He whispered, regret piling on top of the burden on his shoulders. 

Anger overtook his body, acting on its own. He couldn’t help but laugh, letting out the pent up emotion from the past few months. Man, he’d never felt more free. “You really don’t think at all, do you?” Nick lamented through his chuckles. It was painful to hear, really. “Did you- oh, fuck it.” The laughter suddenly stopped, and Nick glared straight at Clay. “Get out.”

“Wha-”

“I said, _GET OUT_!” He shouted and pointed at the door. He chose not to think about the hurt look in Clay’s eyes as he hesitated, took a few steps back, and retreated into the hallway. He chose not to think about the tears that fell down his cheeks as Alex and Karl left, too. And most of all, he chose not to think about the pain searing through his fist as he punched the wall, releasing his anger with blow after blow to the drywall. 

Sometimes, he wished he never met Dream at all.


	8. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a bout of late-night thinking, Clay thinks it's best to go to Nick and talk to him about their argument. Things get heated- in more ways than one.

Clay didn’t sleep much that night. Who could blame him? He quite possibly just ruined one of the only real friendships he ever had. Despite it not directly being his fault, he still felt like he was to blame. After all, he did technically lie to Nick. It wasn’t fair to him, and Clay should’ve realized that. He knew now, at least. 

Whenever he tried to sleep, he’d wake up not even an hour later in a cold sweat. He wished to at least get _some_ shut-eye, but alas, every time he tried, his brain reminded him of the fight and startled him awake. He didn’t know how many more times he could do it before he actually had a nightmare. 

His nightmares were something he never looked forward to. They always managed to take his deepest, darkest thoughts, and make them into disturbing images that haunted him during the day. He’d woken up one too many times in the midst of a panic attack, having no one there to help him through it. It was times like those that he wished Nick were there, his soft hands tracing circles on his knuckles until he calmed down. 

It was then that he realized he might never get that comfort again. Clay got out of the bed after staring at the ceiling for lord knows how long, and began pacing the length of the room. He wished he’d brought George to give him possible insight, but then again, the poor guard wouldn’t want to talk to him about his anxiety at three in the morning. 

The more he thought about it, the more he regretted agreeing to his parent’s wishes. Not only did he upset Nick, but he had to tell poor Rowin that he didn’t love her and never would. Of course, she was understanding, but it still hurt to inform her that she was married to a man who’d never return the feelings she had for him. Personally, he felt lucky to have been married to her at the very least. 

She never asked questions about why he was so reclusive, why he refused to talk about the party. Ever since then, Clay held a burden on his shoulders that he knew he’d most likely never toss off. He knew that there was something unspoken between them when they parted ways, but he never knew what it was. What he did know was that he wanted so badly to fix things between them, yet didn’t quite know where to start. 

Maybe it was a mistake to come to Alonem. The two could’ve stayed away and things would’ve been fine, right? Clay’s presence alone in Nick’s kingdom was enough to make things awkward. It probably would’ve been better if he’d stayed home and ignored the invitation. 

_Promise me we’ll meet again?_

The words rang in his head, and he remembered why he came in the first place. Clay sighed and closed his eyes, reminiscing on the last conversation they had before it all went wrong. 

_I promise. We will see each other again. Even if I have to cross the world to see you. I’ll do it._

“Fuck.” He muttered to himself, heart fluttering in his chest. A promise was a promise, after all. He’d be a coward if he left now with everything unresolved. There was so much they had to talk about and get out of the way. Running away would only make the situation worse. 

Clay stopped pacing, making eye contact with himself in the mirror. His clothing was anything but formal, hair messy and eyes puffy from crying on and off. He figured his appearance didn’t really matter at that point and nodded to himself, trekking over to the door and quietly opening it before retreating down the hallway. 

He spent way too long navigating the halls, trying to find Nick’s room again. Before he’d been too enveloped in his thoughts to look where he was going, and was only back at the guest rooms thanks to help from Karl. Despite the castle being smaller than his own, the hallways were just as confusing. It took him at least thirty minutes to find the right room, and when he got there, he froze. 

_Should I be doing this_? He asked himself, hesitating to knock on the door. _I should give him space, but… I don’t have the time to be waiting around_. Clay took a deep breath and cracked his closed fist on the wood. The knock rang out through the quiet, empty halls, and Clay was scared he may have done it too loud. 

A minute went by. Two, three, four more minutes passed, and Clay’s heart only beat faster. _Please, just answer the door_. He knocked again, this time quieter. He felt like the world was punishing him for wanting to talk things out. A couple more minutes passed, and he began to lose hope. _Maybe I should just go back. He’s probably not even awake, anyway_. 

Just as he turned around to leave, the door creaked open. Clay jumped at the sound and whipped around, only to see Nick’s disappointed face staring through the crack in the door. Anxiety and guilt piled on his shoulders once again, the words leaving his mouth right as he went to speak. 

“What do you want?” Nick groaned, bringing a hand up to rub his eyes. 

Clay couldn’t help but notice the scars and bruises on his knuckles, but he ignored it for the time being. _You have to run. Get out of here_. His mind raced with similar thoughts, every bone in his body begging to get the fuck out, but his legs didn’t move. He was frozen. It took all his willpower to speak. “Um,” He faltered, “I, uh, I wanted to… say, uh, sorry.” He felt like an absolute idiot. _It wasn’t worth coming here_. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come, I’ll-”

A loud sigh interrupted him, tired blue eyes staring back at him. The door opened wider as the king stepped back. “Get in here. You obviously came here to explain yourself.” Nick huffed, not looking very happy. He waited for Clay to make a move, only to be met with a surprised stare. “Well? Come here before I change my mind, stupid.” With that, the tall prince ushered himself in. 

The room was more of a wreck than it was when he left before. Dents lined the wall next to the closet, where he assumed was where Nick had bruised his hand. The floor was littered with crumpled papers and assorted pens and pencils. Clay felt bad- if only he’d been truthful, maybe told him sooner, things wouldn’t have wound up the way they did. But that’s why he was here. 

He dragged his eyes from the blood and dents on the walls as he turned to look at Nick. The words he’d prepared caught in his throat and disappeared. Now that he was actually there, his little speech was gone, and a small, anxious boy replaced it. “I, uh… I wanted to say sorry. For not telling you anything, I mean. It was stupid, and- and selfish of me.” Clay attempted to calm his stutters, but to no avail. He might’ve been a little too nervous in the current situation.

Nick’s silence only made his heart flutter faster. It was like he was watching the gears turn in his head, processing the apology as if it were something to decipher. He sucked in a large breath of air before he replied. “Thank you for apologizing,” The king sighed, “I… don’t think I can forgive you yet. But thank you.” He nodded, subconsciously rubbing his knuckles. Just as Clay was calming down, though, Nick decided to continue the conversation. “I do have one question, though. Well, maybe more than one...”

The green eyed prince swallowed thickly. “What’s up?” He asked, trying his best to stay calm. Despite this, his heart raced in his chest. _Please be a normal question_ , he silently begged, _I don’t know how much I can handle_.

“First off,” Nick’s eyes glanced down at the floor, “why didn’t you tell me initially? You know we could’ve avoided this.” His tone was quiet, but the grudge still hung in his words. They stabbed Clay right in the gut, hitting him where it hurt. 

Clearing his throat, he scavenged his brain for answers. He knew he had one. What was it again? “I…” Clay tried so hard to find the words. “I didn’t want you to know because I felt it would… ruin things. Between us.” He explained, feeling the responsibility of everything piling on his shoulders. “And I guess it did, because here we are-” Clay trailed off and shook his head. He shouldn’t joke right now. 

The king before him didn’t look any less disappointed. He just sat down on the bed and crossed his arms. “Yeah. Here we are.” He spoke in a monotone voice, looking at Clay briefly. “Well, next question. Did…” Nick’s eyebrows furrowed, and he thought of a way to word his question. “Did- well, do you… care for me? At all?” 

The question came as a surprise to Clay. With no hesitation, he responded. “Of course I do, Nick. I wouldn’t be here trying to fix this if I didn’t.” Clay brought his gaze to meet his friend’s, seeing the vulnerability and insecurity in them. He wondered why they held such strong emotion. Friends were supposed to care about each other, right?

“Yeah,” Nick scoffed and brought his knees up to his chest, “and you got married right after I left. That’s what I don’t understand.” His voice held a bitterness that Clay couldn’t quite place. “You married a random woman that you didn’t even _love_ , right after I left. The fuck is up with that?”

“Why are you so pressed about the fact that I got married, Nick?” Clay could feel the irritation rising up again. _Please don’t yell, not now_. “It doesn’t _matter_. She knows that we were forced into it, hell, she’s on board with each of us not actually loving each other. Why the fuck do you think we sleep in separate rooms?” He ranted, no longer thinking about the words flying out of his mouth. God, why couldn’t he think?

Nick stood up again, and Clay saw the anger in his eyes again. Not again. Not right now. “I’m not _pressed_ that you married her,” He growled and stalked towards Clay, “I’m mad because you won’t come to terms with what’s going on.”

At that point, Clay’s anger mixed with confusion. He genuinely didn’t know how to respond for a good few moments. “What the hell are you talking about, Nick? I just apologized to you, what else do I have to ‘come to terms with’?” He asked, watching the king’s face twist into frustration. 

“Oh my _god_ , you’re such a fucking idiot!” He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. Nick’s blue eyes were icy with annoyance. “How can you be so stupid? How long is it going to take you to fucking realize _I love you_?”

Just like that, it hit Clay all at once. Realization struck like a train hit him not once, but three times. The late nights of comfort, the soft exchanging of words, the longing he felt when Nick left. The pain he felt in his chest on his wedding day, knowing he was marrying the wrong person. And on top of it all, the realization of why Nick was mad in the first place. It wasn’t because Clay had gotten married. It was because he wasn’t happy in his marriage. 

“I… I’m sorry.” Clay shook his head after processing everything. “God, I really am an idiot, huh?”

“You are,” Nick gave a sour chuckle, “and stop apologizing. It’s getting kind of annoying.” The two of them shared a light laugh. Despite their dumb argument, they still managed to find something to laugh at. 

Although, something felt like it was missing. Moments later, it clicked, and Clay nervously faced the king before him. “Oh, um…” He stuttered, “I… I love you, too.” Clay flinched at the words in his mouth. It didn’t feel wrong, for the first time. A wave of relief washed over him as he opened his eyes. 

Before him, Nick held a cocky smile. His arms were still crossed, but this time, his pose was more sassy than angry. He walked up to Clay and looked up at him. “Oh yeah? Prove it.” Nick spoke confidently, as if he knew the taller man wouldn’t do anything. Oh, how he was wrong. 

A low laugh erupted from Clay’s throat as he leaned forward. “Looks like you’re the idiot, now.” He had to lower himself down a bit and tilt Nick’s chin up slightly, but he managed. Their faces were mere inches apart. 

Nick’s face exploded into a deep red blush, but he didn’t back off. “You- you know I was kidding, right?” He chuckled nervously, fidgeting around a bit. 

“Yeah,” Clay donned the confidence, “but I’m not.” With that, he closed his eyes and the gap between them.


	9. Awkward Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea how to summarize this other than telling you it's just all fluff. Enjoy the nice break from angst :]
> 
> ~~
> 
> So this is going to be the last chapter for about a week, as I have family coming into town for Christmas. I figured you'd all rather me write a nice chapter instead of leaving you on a cliffhanger, so I offer you this! I hope you all have a nice break, and happy holidays! Thank you all so much for the support on this fic, I am so incredibly grateful for all of you! <3

Things did not go how Nick expected them to. He figured he’d get the whole thing out on the table, throwing up his words, and walking away to pretend like nothing happened. Where Dream took it was completely unexpected; though he wasn’t complaining. It was a better outcome than he could’ve ever wished for. 

The tender kiss that was pressed against his lips was more than enough to prove that Dream was not, in fact, messing around. After all, why initiate a kiss if you didn’t mean it? The reality of the situation settled in Nick’s brain, which in turn reminded him that, yeah, kissing back was something you did. His heart pounded in his chest as he returned what was given to him- only to realize, _wow, I’ve never done this before_. 

It was pretty clear that Dream never had, either. There was awkward shuffling between the two as they attempted to keep their balance. Nick eventually pulled away, giggling to himself, when their foreheads bumped together for the third time. 

“You’re so bad at this,” Nick continued to laugh, “you’re stepping on my poor little toes. You can almost hear them screaming for mercy.” He joked, Dream’s unamused face making him laugh harder. His chest was light with fluttering emotions. It had been a while since he’d felt genuinely happy like that.

The taller man grumbled and stood up straight. “It’s not my fault you’re short. I have to adjust to your height, stupid.” He tried to keep the grumpy facade, but a ghost of a grin shone through. Nick pulled at his cheeks until the poor guy gave in. “You’re annoying, you know that?”

Nick gave him a proud smile. “That’s my job, sweet cheeks.” He teased, still playing with Dream’s cheeks. This was a grave mistake, as the king was then swept off his feet and lifted into the air. He clasped his hand over his mouth as he yelped in surprise, bracing himself for a fall, but was only greeted by the warmth of Dream’s arms around his waist. Now, the two were eye level with each other. “What the hell, man? You almost gave me a heart attack!” He hissed, playfully hitting the prince on the shoulder. 

He only got a smug smile in response. The mischievous glare in his green eyes only made Nick fear for the worst. “Teasing gets you nowhere, Sapnap.” Dream pretended to threaten the smaller man, but they both just erupted into fits of giggles. The poor prince could barely even finish his sentence without the man in his arms shaking with laughter. “It’s time- Sapnap, listen to me- it’s time to pay the price- oh my god, stop _laughing_!”

The king couldn’t help but belt out his laughs, covering his mouth to make sure he was quieter. Soon, he calmed down enough to speak again, although he still giggled here and there. “What’re you gonna do,” Nick challenged, “kiss me? You won’t.” It was a simple challenge, really. One he knew Dream would take him up on. 

“Oh really now?” Green eyes lit up with the anticipation of the challenge. “You dare challenge me, Clay, Prince of Talia, to a kissing duel? You’re playing a dangerous game here, King Nick.” Nick’s laughter was contagious, as the fit of giggles now spread to Dream as he tried to speak in a serious tone. 

Nick kept his head high, ignoring the hiccups catching in his throat from laughing too much. “Do you accept the duel or not?” He replied, trying his best not to burst into laughter again. It took all his willpower not to erupt like a volcano. 

The green clad prince hummed, faking his thought process. Dream made eye contact, a beaming smile on his face. Nick had never seen him smile like that before. “I accept.” He spoke simply, joining their lips again. However, it was very brief, as Nick pulled away to laugh again. “What now?” Dream sighed exasperatedly. 

“You- you’re _tickling_ me!” Nick choked on his laughter, squirming as the prince’s arms brushed against his sides. He threw his head back, letting out the most heart filled laugh he ever uttered. Despite his hate for being tickled, the smile on Dream’s face made it worth it. 

When his laughs died down, Dream adjusted his hold on Nick. A small smile graced his face as they rested their foreheads together, this time not on accident. “Come here, you dork.” He spoke quietly, pressing a real kiss to Nick’s lips. It was gentle and loving- everything Nick imagined it to be. He wished he could live in the moment forever.

It didn’t last long, but at least it wasn’t interrupted by  
awkward giggles. Nick couldn’t hold back his smile as he buried his face in Dream’s chest. The prince radiated warmth, heating up Nick’s cold hands. He carried them over to Nick’s bed and sat down, just holding him in his arms. “I missed this.” Nick mumbled, grabbing the attention of the prince below him. 

“What do you mean?” Dream asked, mindlessly playing with Nick’s hand. The tired boy shifted on his chest, looking up at him with soft blue eyes. 

“Moments like these,” He elaborated while studying Dream’s freckles, “just you and me. Like no one else matters.” Nick chuckled to himself. “It’s dumb, I know, but it’s times like there where I can be myself, you know?” His lament got a hum of agreement from Dream. 

Green eyes travelled to the ceiling as they searched for a response. “I know what you mean,” he paused, giving himself some more time to think, “I feel safe... with you.” 

Nick’s smile widened. He squeezed Dream’s hand, a sign of assurance. He closed his eyes, feeling himself drift off. “Then let me be your safe house,” the king mumbled tiredly, “I’ll protect you as long as I’m alive.” Although his words were spoken on the brink of sleep, they weren’t any less genuine. 

It was that moment that Dream knew he’d fallen head over heels for Nick. 

~~~~

The next morning, as light filtered through the curtains, Clay’s eyes fluttered open. They met an unfamiliar ceiling, and for a moment, he internally panicked, before he remembered where he was. It slowly came back to him as the warmth in his side made itself apparent. He blinked the sleepiness from his eyes and looked down. Sapnap, who snored softly, was cuddled right up next to him. He felt his face heat up, remembering the events that occurred just hours before. 

Despite only going to sleep recently, it had been programmed in his brain to wake up early. He could tell the sun had only just peeked over the horizon, as the golden spears of light reflected the tint of the clouds in the sky. It was a nice moment of calm after the stress he’d endured the past few days. He almost closed his eyes and drifted off once more from how cozy he felt. 

However, he knew that he had to wake up. He didn’t want to risk anyone walking in and seeing them like this, so getting up early was likely their best bet. A small smirk graced his lips as he got an idea of how to wake the sleeping boy up. Leaning down, the prince placed a gentle kiss on Sapnap’s forehead. The boy stirred, blinking a couple times before looking up at Clay. It took a moment for things to click for the king, and when it did, he buried his flustered face in the silky covers of the bed. 

“Morning, sleepyhead.” Clay chuckled, a light teasing tone in his voice. He raised his hand to play with Sapnap’s hair as he continued to wake up. The young king mumbled into the covers, his voice muffled. With a raised eyebrow, Clay moved the sheets to look at Sapnap. “What was that? I couldn’t quite catch what you said.” 

Covering his blue eyes, Sapnap whined. “It’s too bright, Dream.” He repeated himself, words slurred from his sleepy state. The younger boy peeked through his fingers gingerly. “How early is it?” Sapnap groaned, hating that Clay was more of a morning person than he was. To be fair, Clay was used to waking up that early- Sapnap was not. 

Clay glanced over at the window, getting a slight idea of the time. He wasn’t for sure how early, but he had an estimate. “I’d say probably close to nine in the morning.” He replied quietly, hoping that the walls were thick enough to where no one could hear him from outside. “Why? Do you not wake up this early?” He asked, not complaining when Sapnap grabbed his hand from playing with his hair to hold it gently. 

“Mmm…” Sapnap mumbled, “not usually, especially after staying up that late.” 

“Yeah, that’s my bad. Sorry about that.” He chuckled and placed another kiss on the younger boy’s forehead. Conversation died down as they laid there a little bit longer, just enjoying each other’s presence. However, Clay knew he had to speak up eventually. “Hey, we should probably get up soon. You know. So no one catches us.” Clay’s voice was disappointed, since he really didn’t want to get up, but they didn’t have much of a choice. 

Another whine came from Sapnap, and he only nuzzled closer into Clay’s side. “But you’re so warm…” You could hear the frown in his tone, although his face was pretty much buried in the taller boy’s side. He knew that it was probably risky for someone to catch them like this, but in his tired state, he wasn’t thinking very clearly. 

With a sigh, Clay forcefully sat up, dragging the clingy boy with him. He ignored Sapnap’s whines of protest as they broke free of the warm blankets. “You have to wake up, stupid. Who knows when someone might show up.” He had a point, and Sapnap knew that very well. The younger muttered something to himself before he eventually let go. Clay couldn’t help but notice how his bedhead made him all the more cute. 

“I hate that you’re right.” Sapnap grumbled, running a hand through his messy hair and tossing it around a bit. He situated himself on the bed to where he sat in front of Clay cross legged. They both knew that they’d likely be in quite a bit of trouble if caught- after all, Clay was a married man- and that information could very well be used against them. So, in the end, it was in their best interest to keep this to themselves. 

In an attempt to lighten the mood, Clay cracked a stupid joke. “I’m always right.” He spoke confidently, only to get swatted in the side of the head by the king. “Hey!” Clay pouted, wondering what the hell the swipe was for. 

Sapnap scoffed, a dumb, lopsided smile on his face. “Yeah, right. Says the one who denied his feelings for me until the last second. Who’s the right one now?” He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at the pouty prince. “Besides, _I’m_ the king here! I’ve got the authority.”

“Yeah, well, I’m taller,” Clay retorted, “who’s the real winner here?” He smiled widely as a defeated look passed on to Sapnap. The victory swelled in his chest, and he playfully gave the younger a pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay, at least you’re a good little spoon.” Clay reassured jokingly. 

“Oh shut up!” Sapnap punched the prince on the shoulder, earning a loud laugh from the other. He grumbled and crossed his arms. “I was only the little spoon because I fell asleep first.” The king defended himself, not at all convincing Clay. The poor thing couldn’t persuade him even if he wanted to. 

Leaning forward, a cocky smile spreading on his cheeks, Clay tried to make eye contact with Sapnap. He gently turned his chin so that they met eyes. “You love me.” He hummed confidently, noticing the smaller boy relax the tension in his shoulders. 

With a sigh, Sapnap let his arms drop. “Yeah,” He let a smile grow on his lips, “I do.” A gentle laugh boiled between them. Even if it was a joke, Sapnap couldn’t stay mad at Clay forever, and he hated that the stupid prince knew it. His eyes eventually wandered down to Clay’s lips, then back up to his green eyes. He ignored the stupid, cocky look on Clay’s face and went to lean in. 

However, a knock rang out through the room as Clay began to lean closer as well. In a state of panic, Sapnap kicked him off the bed with a loud thud. The door swung open as Clay glared at the king, only to look over at whoever the hell was at the door. A loud, boisterous voice protruded the silence. 

“Hey, dipshit, it’s wake up ti-” Alex stopped his sentence short when he saw Clay sitting on the floor. He looked between his king and the prince, a look of realization setting in on his face. “Oh… _ohhhhh_ … I’ll just-” He motioned behind himself, “I’ll just come back later.”

“Alex, no, it’s not-”

“Have fun with your boy toy!” Alex interrupted, shutting the door behind him. They could hear his laugh disappear down the hall, and both boys were a blushing mess. 

Clay nervously turned to Sapnap, a million thoughts rushing through his head. It had only been a few hours and one person already knew. “Sapnap, is he-” His breath hitched in his throat, “is he gonna tell anyone? Please tell me he won’t.” 

Sapnap felt bad for the dumb interaction with his guard. As long as he’d known Alex, he’d been one to make inappropriate jokes all the time, even during serious situations. He had that impact on people where his jokes always managed to land. However, it was one of those rare moments where it didn’t work out. “He might tell Karl, but no one of importance.” He reassured Clay, standing up and grabbing his hands. “We’ll be okay. I promise.” Sapnap pulled up the taller boy with all his strength, stumbling back a bit. 

It would be a lie if Clay said he wasn’t grateful for the reassurance. He pulled Sapnap into a hug, steadying his breathing. “Thank you,” He breathed out in a whisper, “for everything, really.”

The smaller boy hugged him in return, rubbing comforting circles on his back. “Of course, Dream. You can always trust my word.” He promised, voice sounding so genuine. Clay’s tense shoulders relaxed and he released a sigh of relief. 

“Always?” Clay asked for consolation. 

“And forever.” Sapnap wasted no time in responding. 

They sat there for a bit, enjoying each other’s presence, before they realized they should probably get their formal clothes on for the day. Unfortunately, even though they had time together, they both had responsibilities. Eventually, they reluctantly pulled away from the comforting hug. 

The king gave Clay a small smile as he looked up at him. “See you later?” He asked rather than stated. He figured they’d both be pretty busy, so it wasn’t a guarantee they’d see each other before conking out for the night. 

Despite knowing this, Clay nodded confidently. “I’ll make the time.” He promised and gently placed a kiss on Sapnap’s forehead. How many times he’d done it so far, he didn’t know. He’d lost count at that point. Squeezing the hands that held his, he pulled away and left the room, a warm feeling in his chest that he hoped never went away.


	10. Twisted Fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George gets word of an emergency in another kingdom and rushes to their aid. Will he make it in time?
> 
> WARNING: this chapter contains depictions of violence and mentions of blood. Read safely please :]

The empty room was filled only with the sound of scrawls on paper as a pen tapped on the table repeatedly. Late night work from a guard was a normal occurrence nowadays, especially since the prince was off on what was called “personal business”. What kind of personal business didn’t include a personal guard was odd, in George’s book, but nonetheless, he was told to stay behind and let Clay go on his own. He wasn’t very thrilled to hear that the only heir to the throne was going out without protection. However, direct orders were set in place, and George couldn’t go against them. No matter how hard he tried. 

To keep himself busy, George did as much paperwork as he could without being interrupted. Of course, he really only did it in his downtime, but most times it bled into the late hours of his nights. It was a never ending surge of work, but then again he couldn’t complain. After all, he had the best job in the kingdom. Paperwork escaped no man, unfortunately. 

Just as George finished up a page, a knock came from his office door. Luckily for him, he’d gotten a hefty sum of the papers filled out, so he wasn’t at all annoyed at the interruption. “Come in.” He called out, situating the mess on the desk as his door swung open. It quietly closed behind two guards, of which were quite the odd duo to see together. “Ant? Techno? What are you two doing here?” 

“Well, we’ve got good news and bad news.” Techno huffed, placing a couple of supposedly unrelated papers down. Once the two guards were situated in the office and knew for sure they were clear, the taller guard spoke up once more. “Take your pick. Good or bad first?” He asked as if it were some type of game. 

Rolling his eyes, George thought for a moment. “It doesn’t really matter, Techno.” He responded, completely serious. Although Techno didn’t answer him. It looked like he was going to wait for him to choose good or bad. “Ugh, fine. Good news, that’s always… good, I suppose.” George pinched the bridge of his nose out of stress. 

Ant sat up straight and spoke clearly. There was, however, a slight hint of urgency in his voice. “Good news is that we’re getting some action finally.” He announced, holding up papers of his own and passing them to George. The head guard looked over them quickly. “We’re getting dispatched out tonight. We’ve been told it’s just the three of us, but no one else is allowed to know what’s going on.” Ant explained the papers quickly, then glanced over at Techno. It seemed they had an agreement on who was announcing what. What goofballs. 

Looking up after placing the document down, George looked between the two before his gaze fell on Techno. He shrugged, not looking very thrilled for whatever the bad news was. “So? The bad?” He gestured, waiting for the dramatic pause to end. An awkward quiet settled over the room, and George didn’t quite understand what was going on. A few minutes passed, one by one, and finally, Techno raised his hand in a gesture. 

His outstretched hand pointed toward the small stack of papers he’d set down when he walked in. “The bad news.” The pink haired guard echoed the words, watching as George picked it up. This time, no one explained as he flipped through the pages, reading up on the information he was missing. He flipped back to the front of the folder, eyes wide in astonishment. George then looked between the two. 

“What’re you doing dawdling around? We need to go _now_.” He spoke hurriedly, quickly assembling his armor and fastening it to his body. They had no time to waste; they had to leave Talia as quickly as possible if they wanted to get there in time. Once dressed, the three of them rushed out of the castle (in a quiet and sneaky manner) and took off on their specially assigned mission. 

Horse hooves pounded on the ground as they rode as fast as they could. Unfortunately it was the fastest way to the kingdom, but even so, it would take them at least a day and a half to arrive at their current pace. George worried they wouldn’t make it in time, that they’d be too late. Ant usually came in with glowing reassurance that they’d get there before anything bad even happened. Despite his doubts, Ant’s words were soothing, and that’s what mattered to him. 

Hours passed by, and despite his protests, the three had to take a break. Their horses needed rest for a while, which left them immobile for the time being. He absolutely hated feeling powerless in the current situation. There was nothing he wanted more than to keep moving and reach their destination already. However, the trip normally took three days, and they were already pushing it by getting there faster. 

As they rested, Ant passed out rations to both people and horses. They didn’t bring much, as they hadn’t intended on staying very long, but it was enough for the next few days. The air around them was quiet as they ate while the sun rose on the horizon. Everything was painted golden hues, but it wasn’t as pretty from George’s point of view. It just looked like a horrid mustard color, and he wasn’t very fond of it. 

“How do you deal with it?” 

George snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Ant, who spoke up after finishing his food. “What?” He asked, confused about the question. _Where did that come from?_

“Being colorblind,” Ant laughed, petting his horse’s head, “how do you do it? Everything’s so pretty normally, but you haven’t really been able to understand how pretty things are, you know?” He shrugged, emphasizing his point a bit by motioning to the sunrise. The guard was right, George didn’t really get why people raved about sunrises so much. It looked like someone pissed everywhere and didn’t clean it up. 

With a shrug, George looked down and continued picking at his food. It was a weird sudden question, he wouldn’t lie, but no one really talked to him about his condition seriously. He figured he’d take the opportunity to explain for once. “I dunno… I guess I haven’t really thought about it.” He hummed and let his horse eat a piece he tore off of his bread. “I guess it’s kinda of a blessing, in a way? I can focus on other things without being distracted by sunsets or flowers, stuff like that.”

Techno groaned from where he stood, a thud on a tree signaling he hit his head against it. “Are you two gonna have this stupid small talk thing or are we gonna get goin’ already? We don’t have all the time in the world, y’know.” He interrupted their conversation, clearly not caring about the subject. As long as George had known him, he hadn’t been the type to get friendly with people, much less form conversations that weren’t centered around his work. 

He chuckled softly and stood up, dusting himself off and checking on his horse. Once he noticed everything was okay, he hopped up onto the saddle and glanced between his two fellow guards. “You’re right. We’ve rested long enough.” George nodded as Techno mounted his horse. However, Ant had something else on his mind. 

“You didn’t finish your food.” Ant huffed, giving him a worried glance as he, too, swung his leg over the saddle. “I know you’re worried and all, but you’ve got to get something in your system. Especially now, since we don’t know when we’ll have another chance.” 

George sighed and signaled his horse to start moving. He took the lead on the path, the others not too far behind. “I’ll be fine, Ant. Just focus on the assignment, okay?” He flashed his younger coworker a halfhearted smile before dropping it completely. 

They had a long journey ahead of them, and the closer they got, the more George worried. 

~~~~

A loud sigh echoed through the throne room, making Nick cringe. He hated how every sound he made would bounce right back at him, as if mocking him and how silent and bored he was. Unfortunately, he wasn’t allowed to leave the room at this time of day, as ordered by his most trusted guards. It was his free time, of course, but it would look kind of suspicious if he’d taken it to take a supposed “nap” that lasted about an hour. 

He hadn’t seen Dream since they’d parted in the morning, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss him. However, to keep things safe, they knew they couldn’t talk during the day if they didn’t want to be caught. That being said, it only made him miss his bed even more, since he now associated it with the warm cuddles he received after a long, boring day. 

However, his day was saved when Alex came into view with a large platter in his hands (and a couple plates stacked). He warily walked over to the throne, offering up the platter dramatically. “Your sweets, my lord.” Alex mocked an older british accent, kneeling before the throne. He couldn’t contain his contagious laughs, and they echoed annoyingly in the big room. 

A smile spread across Nick’s face and he rolled his eyes, taking the platter and setting it on the arm rest he wasn’t using. He took one of the plates and looked over the selection before choosing his favorite- a nice, oozing square of baklava. “You know you’re stupid, right?” He chuckled, reaching for a fork before realizing there wasn’t one. Though he didn’t say anything yet. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Alex grinned and stood up properly. “I know you’d fuck around just as much, if not more, if you were in my position.” He scoffed, crossing his arms and taking his position next to the throne. His expression changed slightly, but Nick couldn’t see it. “If anything, I’m sure you dick around more than me, what with your-”

“Shut _up_ , Alex.” Nick hissed, gesturing to Karl who looked at them both in curiosity. He looked confused about the topic, but didn’t ask any questions about it. “If I were a guard, I’d do my _job_ , like I’m supposed to.” He changed the subject, reaching for a fork again, but forgetting he didn’t have one. “Shit- can I have a fork?” He asked, looking at both guards helplessly. 

Karl giggled from his side of the chair. He spoke as soon as the thought crossed his mind. “Just use your hands, man. Forks are a waste of time!” He continued to giggle to himself, earning a distasteful look from Nick. The king didn’t seem too fond of dirtying his hands on the sticky dessert. 

He shifted in his seat to look directly at Karl. “I’m gonna use my hands for _something else_ if I don’t get a fucking fork.” Nick threatened, which only caused the two guards to burst out into laughter. The younger guard passed him a fork, then doubling over from his aggressive cackling. Rolling his eyes, Nick just went to eat his baklava. 

The doors to the throne room suddenly swung open, interrupting any previous conversation. The clink of armor and loud footsteps echoed against the walls as a familiar face stalked up to the throne. He drew his sword, aiming it at a particular target, his face more serious than he'd ever been. 

"Alex," George's voice carried a demanding tone, "I'm going to ask this once. Step away from the king." The order caused a stir of confusion amongst the guards and King in the room. The younger guard chuckled nervously, standing up straight and his hands up in the air. 

His dark eyes reflected a sense of fear. He knew very well he wasn't cut out for fighting George head on, so he had no choice but to surrender. "I- why are you even here?" Alex stuttered the question, trying his best to come off as confident. Alas, he didn't succeed, as his voice trembled.

The guard of Talia took a step further, the sword pointed just below his chin. "I won't say it again, Alex. _Step. Away._ " He growled, no hesitation in his stance. He'd been trained for moments like these for years on end. If anything, this was what his job came down to- protecting those he cared about. Even if it could possibly get him killed. 

Reluctantly, the guard stepped back, and George lowered his sword. However, he didn't sheath it. "Your highness," George bowed slightly, "I apologize for the inconvenience, but I'm going to need that…" he paused, looking at the plate in confusion, "whatever that is." 

"It's baklava," Nick responded, brain spinning in bewilderment, "why, what's going on?" He questioned, looking between the three guards around him as he passed the plate to George. Karl looked just as confused as he did, and Alex just stood to the side, a worried look on his face. _What the hell is happening?_

George, however, didn't respond to the question. He only took the plate and turned to the youngest of the four of them. "Eat it." He ordered, startling the poor guy. When he didn't answer, George offered the plate up again. "I said _eat it_." He spat out a bit more forcefully. Karl and Nick gave each other odd glances. 

The youngest guard gulped, shaky hands taking the dessert and holding it. He looked up at George, down at the plate, and then back up. It was like a million thoughts were running through his head, making the others wait to understand what was going on. "And if I don't?" Alex responded quietly, his face paling. You could almost see the regret weighing down his shoulders. 

"Then I'm just going to have to kill you." 

The statement erupted shouts of protest from the other two, less informed of the matter than Alex and George were. The eldest listened to their mixed shouts, waiting for them to calm down before he even attempted to answer their questions. Alex only fell deeper into his regret as the yelling died down. 

Nick took a deep breath, sudden anger fading away in his chest. He turned to look at George, his eyebrows furrowed. "I want you to explain to me what the hell is happening here. Why are you threatening to kill him over a pastry?" The king asked, defending his loyal guard the best he could. After all, it was only a dessert. What was the fuss about?

The guard glanced over at Alex and motioned to the plate generously. "Again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but recently I was given some proof and reason to believe that someone in this kingdom was going to make a move to assassinate you." George explained himself, earning some shocked looks from the king and his personal guard. 

"...Okay." Karl spoke up, having a hard time soaking in the information. "But you think it's Alex? Why? He's been nothing but loyal to us." He defended, eyes tracing the sickly sweet dessert. It made him feel sick to his stomach to even consider the fact that one of his closest friends and coworkers could possibly betray them.

George sighed, pinching his nose and reaching in his bag. He retrieved a folder and tossed it to Nick. “If you don’t believe me, that’s all the evidence. I was ordered to come here as quickly as possible so you didn’t end up without a ruler.” 

Everything in his voice sounded genuine, so Nick didn’t understand why it felt so hard to believe. Even as he read over the oh so incriminating evidence, he didn’t know what to make of it. Alex, his trusty guard, a traitor? He was beyond confused, but… he felt like he should trust George. 

“King Nick,” George spoke up as he closed the folder, “I’m going to need you to come with me.” 

“What?” Karl opposed, concerned for the fate of his king. “Come on, I’m his personal guard, let me-”

A crash rang through the room as a plate was dropped, and the sound of swords clashing overpowered it. George and Alex were almost nose to nose, pushing against each other’s weight. Seeing an opening, George kicked Alex back, making him stumble. “Nick, go.” His voice was filled with urgency. 

Nick’s head reeled, not really understanding what was going on. “Where?” He asked, flinching when their weapons clashed again. He was so confused, not knowing what to say, or where to go. 

“Out of the castle,” George grunted, forcing Alex away again. He was light on his feet, almost as if he were dancing. His sword swung with a grace unlike the desperate, violent swings Alex had. “There’s an escort waiting for you. Go!” He shouted, managing to land a couple scrapes on the younger guard. 

Once the order was shouted, Nick was out the door. However, it didn’t stop the clash of swords and hits they made on each other. It was a violent dance of death, and they both knew only one of them was coming out of this. George was sure he’d win- he’d been training for this. He knew what he was doing. 

It hit him that Karl was still standing in the room, not with Nick. 

“What are you doing?” George shouted, landing a vicious kick to Alex’s side. He whipped his head over at the king’s personal guard. “Go to him! Make sure he doesn’t fucking die!” He hissed, turning back and blocking a swing from the traitorous guard. But Karl didn’t move, and it confused him. 

“Karl, fucking _go_ -”

His words were cut off by a sick noise that made the blood rush in his ears. He choked, dropping his sword and falling to his knees. Words left his throat as he stared at the person in front of him, fear in his eyes. His brain shut down as blood coated his hands, spilling out of the wound in his abdomen. 

“I’m sorry, George.” Karl spoke up finally, stepping into his line of sight. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I promise Clay will be alright. We’ll take good care of him.” He flashed a smile, but George could see through the deceptive kindness. 

Blood spilled over his lips as he forced himself to speak. “Fuck you.” George spoke in a whisper. He knew what this meant- they weren’t planning on him getting out of here. He would bleed out on the floor of Alonem’s castle, his death observed by two traitors. How ironic it was, for him to come here expecting someone to die. Little did he know, it was him. 

Alex stepped closer, kicking his shoulder and forcing him on his back. “Rest in peace, motherfucker.” 

It all went dark after that.


	11. Letters of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream copes with the news that Sapnap is missing through writing him letters. 
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Hello everyone! I'm so happy you all are enjoying the fic so far, your support means the world to me.  
> Though I am here to warn you that this chapter is, in fact, more painful than the last. Take breaks if you need to. Trust me, you might need it. 
> 
> Other than that, enjoy the chapter! I love you all <3  
> (also follow my twitter @waters_fall_ ;])

_Dear Sapnap,_

_~~How are you?~~ _

_~~What have you~~ _

_I miss you._

_It’s been a couple days since I’ve seen you. A couple days since you went missing. The minute I got word, I feel like a part of me has died. There’s nothing I want more than to see you again. Your guards informed me to stay inside to stay safe. They said they’re trying their best to find you._

_I hope they do. My heart aches and yearns for you even more now that I know you’re not here. I want to know you’re safe, so badly that it feels like I’m dying. There are no words to explain just how much it hurts to know that I cannot keep you safe, like you’d promised me._

_We made a promise._

_We will see each other again. I know that._

_It takes every bit of my willpower to get up everyday. You have no idea how hard it’s been without you. The people are worried, they miss you dearly. Not as much as I do, of course, but they are concerned for your well being as well._

_I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but Rowin’s company has been very helpful. Had she not been here, I certainly would’ve gone mad. She’s a wonderful source of comfort… but not as good as you._

_I miss your touches. The way you’d hold my hands and squeeze them to reassure me. The way you’d cradle my face in your palms, whispering sweet nothings until anxiety was only a bittersweet memory. You held me like I was the earth and you were the sun, giving me warmth and light so that I could be satisfied._

_It’s moments like these where I realize I was almost too dependent on you. For that, I'm sorry. You never deserved to be the bearer of my burdens. Every moment with you felt so fulfilling that I never realized that my issues could be affecting you, too. I am so, so, sincerely sorry. You didn’t need to do that for me._

_I promise that once you return safely, I’ll be there for you just as much as you have been for me. You deserve an outlet, too._

_I love you, Nick. Please, come home safe._

_Your beloved,_   
_Dream_

~~~~

_Dear Sapnap,_

_It’s been two weeks. God, I miss you so much._

_I told myself I’d write a letter for you everyday. But every time I look over at the pencils and paper, I can’t bring myself to do it. Some part of me believes it’s clinging on to useless hope._

_I really hope it isn’t useless._

_If you were wondering, Karl and Alex have been treating me well. They let me walk around the castle when I’m feeling up to it, but they strictly told me not to leave the kingdom. And, well, they feed me, so I suppose that’s good too. I’m not suffering physically, at least._

_It hurts more than you imagine. The moment we finally believe we’re happy, we’ve only been ripped apart once more. It’s like my heart has been ripped out and squashed like a bug. I miss you so much it physically hurts me._

_I want to hold you, and hug you, and kiss you like we did on that first night we saw each other again. I want to tell you how much I’ve missed you, squeezing your hands until neither of us can feel our fingers anymore. I want to kiss your face until there’s not a single spot I haven’t kissed._

_I just want to see you again. Is that too much to ask?_

_Remember the promises we made? The one where we promised to meet again, no matter how long it took? And the one where you said you’d keep me safe? Then the one where you told me everything would be okay?_

_Some part of me wants to believe the last one. The other says it’s not true. But all I have left is the hope that you’ll come back to me, and we can be together forever._

_Things will be okay. I’m holding onto that for you._

_Love,_   
_Dream_

~~~~

_Dear Sapnap,_

_I stumbled across something weird yesterday._

_It was a set of armor from Talia. Specifically speaking, it was royal guard armor. Karl and Alex don’t know that I found it. I’m not sure they wanted me to know._

_The thing that haunts me the most is that I recognize the set. I don’t want to. I don’t want to remember who it belonged to, because that means something is wrong, and I don’t know if I’m ready to think about that._

_I know you weren’t close to him. But I know you two got along well- almost too well, for a prince and a guard. I saw you two laughing together every now and then. He was always secretive, especially with personal relationships. I was surprised when he told me he respected you as a friend more than a superior._

_I don’t want to admit that it was him. I don’t want to know what happened to him. But deep down, I know he’s dead. I just… I can’t imagine him being gone. He was there for me at so many low points, from the point where my sister died, up until now._

_There was a time where he’d never leave me alone, not even for a minute. I was only sixteen, and him being a new guard, he didn’t know my boundaries. I snapped at him. I told him I wasn’t a kid, that I could take care of myself, that I didn’t need a babysitter._

_He laughed at me, of course. I don’t blame him- I was stubborn back then. But I think he realized he may have been too watchful, and gave me more space. I was grateful._

_He did so many things for me._

_It just doesn’t feel right, to say he’s gone._

_I just wonder how his armor got here._

_Love,_   
_Dream._

~~~~

_It’s been a month now._

_Despite everything that’s happened, or what the people say, I’m still holding on to hope. I know you’re out there, somewhere, alive. You have to be._

_I never thought i’d say this, but I miss your annoying teases. The stupid little quips you made seem like forever ago. Hell, I even miss your yelling. If it means I can see you again, I wouldn’t hesitate to piss you off. I miss your voice._

_It pains me to say I’ve nearly forgotten what you sound like. It’s the only thing that’s kept me going, but your soft giggles have been slowly fading from memory. I’ve been holding onto them for as long as I can. But I find myself remembering them wrong, and having to think hard to reconstruct them._

_It’s not fair. I don’t want to forget you. I’m scared that if I forget, that when you come back, it’ll be like I have to meet you all over again._

_I’m scared._

~~~~

_I can’t do this anymore._

_Nick, please. Come home._

_I don’t want to believe them. I don’t want to listen. They have to be wrong. They can’t be telling me the truth. It’s just not possible._

_There’s no way._

_If it’s true, I have nothing left._

_First, I discovered George’s armor. I also found an unmarked grave in the garden. I didn’t want to believe it then, but the dots connected. I couldn’t deny it._

_I still haven’t recovered. I’m still grieving over him._

_I can’t be grieving for you, too._

_I can’t listen to them. I won’t._

_I refuse to believe you’re gone._

_They can’t be right._

_They told me you were found dead._

_But I don’t believe them._

_I refuse._


	12. Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning new things is either interesting or painful. Now, it cant be helped that sometimes, it's both.
> 
> ~~
> 
> Apologies for how late this was! I've had a really hard time writing lately, but I've managed to get this out :D  
> Reminder that my twitter has updates from me (as well as exclusive art), so give it a follow! (@waters_fall_ :])

“How does it feel to be home?” He asked, staring at the ceiling of the guest bedroom he’d been kindly given. However, he’d had to share it, since no one really trusted him to be alone. For good reason, he supposed. 

An annoyed scoff answered his question. “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be here.” Techno responded, loudly sharpening his sword. He didn’t seem very pleased, but hey, at least he was somewhere safe, right? “It’s not my fault you were a target for some reason. It was my job to save your ass.”

Ant looked up from his book in the corner of the room. He looked offended. “Our job, Techno. You’re forgetting about George, too. He’s the only reason we got out of there with him.” He spoke, almost immediately regretting it. He sighed worriedly, concerned about his friend. They hadn’t seen him since then. 

The pink haired warrior mumbled under his breath, not seeming to care much. Though it was seemingly obvious that he did worry about his superior. Even if he tried to hide it, he’d respected George- as a friend and coworker. They went out of Alonem with three, planned to leave with four, and wound up with three again. 

Nick looked between the two worried guards, a little worried himself. He wasn’t stupid- he could tell when something was wrong. “Shouldn’t he have caught up to us already? Or does he not know where we are?” He asked, genuinely confused and concerned. George wasn’t that much of an idiot either, as much as he came off as one sometimes. 

The chatter between them went silent, as well as the sounds of Techno sharpening his sword. Nick was unsure of what he did or said to make them fall so quiet. He only grew more concerned when Techno’s eyes met his with a gaze that was anything but monotone. 

“Is something… wrong?” Nick asked, heart dropping in his stomach. He knew there was something up, but he didn’t want to believe it. 

Ant cleared his throat, closing his book. “With all due respect, King Nick,” he leaned forward into a more professional position, “it’s been a month. George would have… been here by now. It was a part of the assignment.” The poor guard sounded on edge, not wanting to be the person to break the news. Of all the guards, Ant had been one of the closest to George. It made sense that he’d be upset. 

The king swallowed thickly, not liking what he was implying. It was bad enough feeling guilty for leaving George behind when he was fighting for him to run. Knowing that he probably didn’t make it was even worse. “But… we can still hope, right? There’s gotta be a possibility that he’s okay.” Nick shifted on the comfy bed, now sat up to face the two guards. Their expressions weren’t promising.

“It’s best for you to not cling onto hope.” Techno sighed and went back to his sword. “People die in this line of work all the time, Nick. There’s a reason we get into this business. We know the risks,” despite his monotone voice, the way he sharpened his blade got more aggressive, “ _he_ knew the risks. He took that chance. And he likely died a hero.” He pointed the blade at the younger man before him, eyes showing more emotion than he’d meant to reveal. With a huff, he stood and stalked out of the room. As the door shut behind him, tension filled the air. 

A sense of dread filled his chest. He knew Techno was right, but it hurt. Nick hadn’t been that close to George, but he couldn’t help the feeling that he’d sort of turned his back on him. After all, he ran like a coward, leaving George to fend for himself. He should’ve fought back, defended the guy who’d saved his life. If it weren’t for him, he wouldn’t be alive. 

A looming sense of guilt fell over him. Not only did he most likely leave George to die, he left Dream there, too. He should’ve went and dragged Dream with him, not looking back for even a second. But he was scared. He was scared that if he even took a second to spare, he would’ve been killed on the spot. Even then, he was terrified that, by leaving Dream behind, he’d suffered the same fate as George. 

“Your highness?”

Ant’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and he felt kind of grateful. He didn’t audibly respond, but the guard knew he had his attention. “I… wanted to apologize for Techno. He’s not coping well with all this, either.” He’d long shut his book, seeming worried for both his friend and Nick. “He won’t admit it, but he was really close with George. They both got into the royal guard together, and through their weird introvert magic, somehow managed to become friends.” He chuckled and reminisced on things. Nick could tell he was hurting, too. “I don’t blame Techno for being upset. They practically grew up together.”

Confused, Nick tilted his head to the side at the comment. “What do you mean? Isn’t Techno from... well… here?” Despite being a genuine question, he felt stupid for asking it. 

The young guard chuckled and nodded, not judging him for asking at all. Nick felt relieved for the lack of a joke. “Yeah, Techno is one of King Phil’s sons. The oldest, actually- but he was never interested in the throne, so they compromised, and Techno was transferred to Talia’s guard training program.” Ant explained calmly, seeming to know quite a lot about his coworker. 

“Why Talia? Wouldn’t King Phil wanna keep his eldest son close?” Nick turned to face Ant, suddenly really invested. He wanted to know more about Techno, since he seemed so mysterious. 

Unfortunately, Ant shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. It’s said Talia has the best training program, but I’m not sure. Techno was really young when he was transferred, but he wasn’t the first prince to take guard training instead of taking over his throne.” He sighed, internally wishing he knew more. Then again, Techno was pretty secretive and reserved. It only made sense he didn’t talk much about it. 

Furrowing his eyebrows, Nick was still curious. He wasn’t the first? “Wait, so who was the first? In Talia, I mean.” He inquired. He wished he’d paid more attention in his history classes. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so clueless. 

“Hm? Oh,” Ant had pushed himself up from his seat, “well, in Talia it was-”

A loud knock sounded at the door, interrupting their conversation. A younger boy burst in, fluffy blonde hair bouncing on his head as he stared at the two in the midst of talking. “Oi,” he didn’t seem to care one bit about interrupting, “dad wants you lot at dinner. Says you need to eat.” He didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that he’d just sort of blocked Nick from some very valuable information.

Sighing, Nick pushed himself off the bed and stretched, hearing his back crack a few times. He looked to Ant, as if to say _you are so telling me later_. “Alright, I could use some food.” He grumbled, hearing his stomach groan. Yeah, he was definitely hungry. Perfect timing, he supposed. 

~~~~

It had been a little while since Clay had woken up from a nightmare. Tonight, his body decided it had waited long enough, and he’d been startled awake from a well deserved nap.

He’d shot up from the blankets, grasping and clawing at the shirt stuck to his chest from sweat. It was almost as if he forgot how to breathe, air touching the back of his throat only to be thrown out again. He didn’t even remember quite what the dream was, but he was terrified. 

Just like that, a gentle hand reached out and ran down his back. Quiet words left their mouth, words he couldn’t hear through panic, but the soothing tone helped bring him back. Clay still shook, but he blinked away the tears that made his vision swim, and he realized he was okay. He was just in his room, it wasn’t real- he was fine. 

Gentle words cut through his splitting headache. “Another nightmare?” Rowin asked, worry clear on her face. Although she attempted to help calm Clay down, she kept her distance. She knew he was big on keeping his personal space. “Clay, they’re getting more frequent. Are you alright?” 

Taking a shaky breath, Clay nodded and laid back down to where he was sleeping. “I’m alright, Rowin. I’m.. sorry for scaring you.” He wiped his wet face on the silky pillow and stared up at the ceiling. He felt lucky to have forgotten most of what he dreamed about. All he knew was that it was about Sapnap.

He so badly wanted to think that the news he’d received the other day was some sort of sick joke, or even a nightmare. When Karl came to him and spoke the words that haunted him, he at first felt nothing. It didn’t hit him until he went to bed and had the worst nightmare he could’ve imagined. He wished he could forget the vivid images and how they’d burned into his brain, never to be erased. He remembered crying for hours, too afraid to tell Rowin what he saw. 

It was sick and twisted, really. Clay didn’t know his mind could produce such explicit and horrifying pictures. Maybe it was a side effect of his anxiety, he didn’t know. He just wished it would stop. He’d do almost anything to make the haunting watercolor nightmares go away. Even if it meant he’d never dream normally again, he’d sacrifice that for a peaceful sleep. 

The feeling of a hand slowly running through his hair calmed him slightly. He released the tension in his shoulders that he hadn’t even felt before. “It’s okay, Clay.” Rowin’s voice was soft and reassuring as her fingers played with his hair. “I’m more worried about you than myself, you know. At this point you’ve been doing this every few nights.” Clay tried to ignore how he felt her concerned gaze through his closed eyes. It was comforting, but at the same time it burned. “Are they…” She trailed off, not wanting to upset him. “Are they about Nick?”

The prince scowled and opened his eyes, looking over at Rowin as she stared at him. He hated how she could always read him, kind brown eyes gazing right back at his green ones. She was a pretty attractive woman, he had to admit. Clay knew he’d never be attracted to her really, but he knew a good looking woman when he saw one. She had a round face that was lightly dusted with various freckles and beauty marks, probably more than Clay had himself. Her long brunette hair was pulled up in a lazy bun, some strands hanging out. A pastel blue blouse hung on her shoulders casually, and she’d made it clear that she would only ever wear a dress or anything elegant if they knew they had to impress people. Rowin had been known for being very relaxed, which he was grateful for.

With a hard swallow, Clay turned away and nodded. “Yeah. They are.” He mumbled, pulling the covers over himself once more. Although he knew he couldn’t sleep again, it was still pretty cold in the room. The way Rowin massaged his scalp was definitely helping him keep calm. “I… miss him.” He admitted, gaze caught on the ceiling. Really, he couldn’t think of anything he didn’t miss. Even the way Sapnap would giggle in the middle of kisses, which would normally annoy Clay, was something he missed.

Rowin smiled and shifted her position so it would be easier for her to see Clay’s expressions. “It’s normal to miss him. You two were close, right? It’s only natural to hurt knowing he isn’t here.” She reassured, now using both her hands to play with his hair. He realized she was probably making little braids when he felt light tugs here and there. 

“Well, yeah.” Clay sighed, closing his eyes while he let Rowin braid his hair. “But it really hurts. I don’t… want to think about it.” It hurt to think back to when times were better, when Sapnap was still with him. To think about the kisses they’d shared, all the personal conversations they’d had. He had never trusted someone more, aside from George. Now, the two people he’d really confided in were gone. 

He heard a hum from Rowin as she restarted on one braid. Opening his eyes, he looked up to see what was going on. A conflicted look was in her soft gaze. “You know,” she spoke in a hushed tone, “I had a lover. Before I met you.” She met eyes with him before flicking them back down to the tiny braid. 

“Really?” Clay stayed still, but he knew the confusion was there on his face. He wondered why Rowin hadn’t mentioned it before, despite them almost knowing each other for a year. It wasn’t like he had a right to know, but it would’ve been valuable information. 

She nodded, a sad smile on her face. “Her name was Willow. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever had the luck of laying eyes on.” Her gentle fingers stopped moving on Clay’s head. He could tell just how much this meant to her. “When I’d been chosen as your wife, well… I had to say goodbye to her. I miss her dearly, Clay, I really do.” He heard the shakiness in her breathing as she attempted to regain her composure. “But it gets easier. I find solace, knowing you and I both have others that we love with our entire being.” Rowin chuckled, lifting her hand to wipe tears from her eyes. 

Clay smiled up at her in an attempt to reassure her just as much as she’d done for him. “I’m sure she misses you too, Rowin.” He replied just as quietly, grateful to know that he wasn’t alone in hurting over missing someone. It wasn’t a good thing for sure, but at least they could both bond over the fact that they both had to leave the people they loved the most. The only difference was Rowin had the chance to say goodbye, and Clay never did. There was also a possibility he never would. 

“Thank you, Clay.” Rowin went back to braiding his hair, already completing a couple tiny braids. “I’m sure Nick misses you, too.”

His smile faded into a sad one. “Yeah,” Clay sighed, “I’m sure he does.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Welcome to the end of the chapter.
> 
> Here's where the self promo comes in, so feel free to skip over this if you want.
> 
> If you wanna see more work of mine, I'm relatively active over on my twitter (@waters_fall_)! I might post some sneak peeks as well, who knows ;)
> 
> If this goes well, I'll try to set an upload schedule every week or so! I really like this so far, so I'm hoping you do too!  
> Thanks for reading! <3


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